06 December 2007: Reflections on TQ

It's nice to be finished with TQ. There was something about the place that just didn't sit well with any of us. I'm not certain I can place my finger on one, distinct reason why. There was a huge lake adjacent to the place. That should have made for a unique distraction from the normal, dreary existence. However, we couldn't get near enough to the water to enjoy the fact that it existed. A couple of us did attempt to walk to the lake - only to discover we'd been deceived by the desert's ability to distort estimation of distance. On first glance we thought the lake was only about a mile away. Once we started walking we realized that it was more like four miles away. After covering half the distance, it also occurred to us that we wouldn't be able to walk right up to the shore. A perimeter fence and guard posts prevented this.

Although there was an MWR at TQ, it's internet service only worked for about ten minute spurts. The gym was extremely spartan. Its cardio equipment was in disrepair. The Marines all seemed happy though. All they want to do is pump iron. There was plenty of that to push. From the map of TQ, we knew there was a second half of the base on the opposite side of the airfield. We never made it there to see what it was all about. I'm sure it was more of the same. All in all? TQ is a place I'm glad to have in the rear view mirror.

Camp Liberty has become my home away from Balad away from home. Today we were greeted with almost gale-force winds. It was the most blustery day I've had on deployment. For some reason, it didn't pick up the dust. That was a good thing. The wind did make a total mess though. Trash cans were upended and the spilled contents were whipped around everywhere. Somehow I managed to keep my boonie cap from blowing off. I did see several Joes chasing down their caps. It's a comical scene - so long as I'm not the one doing the chasing.

05 December 2007: Goodbye TQ!

The natural inclination of my team would have been to sleep in. Unfortunately, we couldn't. Our first order of business was to run back to the pax terminal for 0730. Once we were there, I handed over our ID cards to see if we could manifest back to Liberty. I received both good and bad news. There was room for four of us. Three would have to chance space A. It was a sad prospect for some. I had to prioritize who was manifested based on mission critical personnel. We didn't have to return to the pax terminal until 1715. I told everyone to do whatever they wanted until then. I went to breakfast. Then I cruised over to the MWR to attempt the internet. Afterward came a stop at Green Beans for some more coffee. Once I took a healthy shit it was time to cruise over to the chow hall for lunch. I don't know what my team did. I never saw them again until time to walk back to the pax terminal. I slept the afternoon as best I could.

The evening was a repeat of the night before except that we all managed to get on the CH-46's. I loaded with the other three that were manifested. After several minutes, the crew chief turned the lights back on, lowered the ramp, and walked back onto the tarmac. To our elated surprise our other three team members were allowed to board. Although you couldn't hear anything from the noise, I think several cheered. Then we took off into the night sky bound for Camp Liberty.

Somehow, I managed to sit next to the only window on the helicopter that was open. For the entire flight I was subjected to gail force, freezing winds. I thought the irony - made it out of TQ, died from exposure. A CH-46 vibrates a lot too. I looked around at my team and they all resembled bobblehead dolls. Thank God the flight went by relatively fast. We were back in Camp Liberty in about thirty minutes. We couldn't wait to get back to our respective hooches. As soon as I got back, I dropped my gear and clothes in place and went straight to the shower. It was a luxurious event. TQ - been there, done that.

04 December 2007: Stars fall upon us

The previous day and this morning there was a huge flurry of activity among the Joes living at Hotel California. There was an awards ceremony for their unit today to recognize their deployment. It wasn't just that it was an awards ceremony - LTG Odierno (MNC-I Commander) and a Marine Major General (MND-W) were going to be present for the ceremony. As a result, the Joes were out scrubbing their equipment, cleaning the area, and rehearsing for the ceremony. It made my team's job difficult because we weren't able to get people to assist us with container inspections. I instructed my team to "clear the AO" during the awards ceremony. We didn't need to be included because the ceremony wasn't for us. Just before noon the stars fell upon us. That means the generals arrived. A huge entourage of vehicles screamed across TQ to the airfield to pick them up. The unit started forming up for the big ceremony. My team and I left for the chow hall.

Around 1430 we cruised back over to Hotel California. The generals were gone, the ceremony long over. As sense of order descended back onto the unit. We were finally able to finish up our work. I guess it was about 1630 when we completed everything. Even though the unit was extremely gracious, we beat feet over to the airfield to see about a flight out. TQ is a pretty crappy place. My team isn't a bunch of tourists. When our work is done it's time to move on. The good news that greeted us was that there were flights back to Liberty. The bad news was that we were space A and low on the list.

Regardless of space A or not, we waited and hoped for the best. Around 2130 we geared up and walked out to the flightline. About twenty minutes later a couple of Marine CH-46 Sea Knights touched down. These are cargo helicopters that resemble miniature CH-47s. As we sat and shivered, the personnel who were manifested boarded the aircraft. Much to our chagrin, the helicopters then took off - leaving us in the quiet, cold field to ponder our fate. After standing there with our thumbs up our collective asses for another thirty minutes, the Marines running the flightline walked us back to the pax terminal and explained that we would have to come back in the morning. In the meantime, we were to walk to the transient billets. It wasn't as bad as it seemed. The billets were only about 200 meters away. It did suck, though, to be stuck another night in TQ.

We checked into transient billets. My team was assigned a heated tent filled with bunk beds. I was assigned to the "VIP" area. It was VIP in name only. The place was another tent. The only difference was that it had single beds instead of bunks. When I walked in I was met with a chorus of snores and darkness. Breaking out my flashlight, I made my way down to an open bunk. A couple of farts rang out. I picked the only bunk that didn't seem to be next to someone snoring. Boy was I wrong. Once I was finally in the prone position I fell asleep. An hour later I was rousted from my sleep by an industrial saw mill. It was the guy next to me. I exclaimed out loud, "That's a fuckin' no-go." Then I kicked his bed to make him stop. He did, but only for a short time. That was the pattern of the rest of the night.

03 December 2007: Hotel California

I have to set the record straight. I hate that song. I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing it again. It never occurred to me that I'd actually have to stay at the place. Likewise, I never would have suspected that the place was in Al Taqaddum. I have confirmed that there is no wine here. It's a sad looking series of buildings that serves as a transient billeting area for units passing through TQ. My room was a simple concrete cell with a mattress and AC/heater. I couldn't complain though. My team were all placed in an open blockhouse with folding cots. All around the Hotel California is desolate desert. There is a giant airfield adjacent to the buildings that hosts a constant stream of transport aircraft. Other than that? One of my team members summed the place up when he said, "Sir, this is what I pictured when I thought of Iraq."

The base is run by the Marines. Marines are basically the same as Joes (don't ever tell them that though). The only thing different is some of the terminology. Latrines are referred to as "the head." That suited my Coast Guard guys fine. The DFAC is still called the chow hall (very old school). Marines also do a lot more organized physical training than the Army. Every morning on my way to the chow hall I passed a group of marines sweating and grunting to all kinds of physical torture. However, if you get around a group of Marines and listen in on their conversation you'll find that they speak the same language as Joe. For example, as I was exiting the chow hall I listened in to a couple of Marines. There is a designated area right outside the entrance of the chow hall called the smokepit. It's the area where people can "smoke'em if they got'em." The Marines I was following were debating the merits of the smokepit.

Marine one: "Man, why's the smokepit right here?"

Marine two: "Why the fuck do we need a smokepit anyway?"

Marine one: "Huh? So people can smoke dumbass!"

Marine two: "No, I mean this is Iraq. It's a fuckin' war zone. We should be able to smoke anywhere we want. You know what I mean?"

Marine one: "I don't smoke so I guess it doesn't matter."

Marine two: "Dude, that's not the point. We're in a fuckin' war here. We shouldn't have to be told where to smoke. Fuckin' smokepit is totally garrison."

As you can guess, I was very entertained. I wanted to hear how the debate turned out but had other things to do. My team was working diligently to get yet another unit's equipment and containers ready for redeployment. These Joes are extremely happy to see us because they'll be home exactly three days before Christmas. It's all in a day's work for us.

It is very windy, dry, and cold here.

02 December 2007: Welcome to Al Taqaddum (TQ)

Today had an early, annoying beginning. I had stayed up past midnight checking e-mail and sulking over the latest Army-Navy game fiasco. Around 0200 I went to bed. It didn’t take long before I realized there was an unusual noise coming from outside my hooch. Something was banging on the wall just outside where my head lay on the bed. It had also started to rain so there was no chance I was going out in the mud to investigate. The knocking and banging was just enough to keep waking me up. I finally did fall asleep but it didn’t last long. A huge thunderstorm rolled in and the resulting noise rocked me back out of my slumber. My good night’s rest was shot to hell.

Since I was already up I went to breakfast early. The rain had made a shitty mess out of everything. I tried to stay on gravel for my walk to and from the DFAC. It was impossible. The end result was an extra pound of spackle on my boots by the time I got back to my hooch. Everything turns into a complete quagmire. It had fortunately stopped raining. Now it was just cool, wet, and muddy. I’ve explained the texture of this mud before. It’s back. I commandeered some slate shingles and an old wooden pallet to create a stoop for my hooch. Something had to be done to cover up the mud. It isn’t the greatest landscaping job but it was a field expedient solution.

Since it had stopped raining I decided to investigate the culprit of my sleep demise. Sure enough, it was a cable that was sheared and dangling just outside my hooch. The wind was making it knock around – thus keeping me awake. I whipped out my trusty Gerber tool (every Joe has one of these) and cut it off. Problem solved! I have no idea what the cable was for and don’t care. My neighbor is probably without AFN now.

My team’s order of business was to travel to Taqaddum (or TQ). This is a Marine Corps FOB near Ramadi. It’s adjacent to a very large lake that I believe is called Lake Haditha. It will be a first for us. TQ is new territory for us. Flying there required catching a couple of Blackhawks from Liberty Pad. Our show time was 1730. Once we checked in, we were told the helicopters were running late. With that in mind, I sent some of our guys over to the nearest DFAC to grab everyone some chow. A big group of Iraqi special forces arrived with their U.S. advisors and began lining up in chalks. Shortly after dark a couple of MI-17 helicopters arrived and took them off for their mission. It was extremely dark due to cloud cover. Once chow arrived I took my food inside the tent and sat down to eat fried chicken and sliced cucumbers. No sooner than I opened the box someone was yelling in the tent, “Anyone going to TQ? Get your gear and line up!” Dammit! The helicopters were supposedly running late. I took four huge bites of chicken and shoved a handful of cucumber slices in my mouth - throwing the rest of the food away as I walked outside. My mouth was completely full. That was my entire supper.

It’s cold enough now that the windows are back on the Blackhawks. This is so the heater can run in the crew compartment. The helicopter holds eight in the back, three facing to the front for a total of eleven. All of my team and our gear climbed in the back. I climbed into a forward facing seat adjacent to the door gunners. It wasn’t until after we took off that I realized my error. The door gunners are open to the elements. I froze my ass off in gale force winds all the way to TQ. I sat stiff and tried not to let it show. I couldn’t look like a pussy in front of the door gunners could I? I wasn’t wearing my fleece, gortex, or gloves. It’s cool though. I made it ok.

I think it was around 2000 when we rolled into TQ. Our ride wasn’t there (what else is new) so we had to wait around. There wasn’t much to see. Although they had a VIP room for O5/E9 and above, I stayed outside with my team. We didn’t have to wait long. A couple of Captains arrived in a bus to pick us up. We loaded up and drove over to the transient billet area. It’s a series of buildings named “Hotel California”. I had a quick series of planning meetings for our mission and then we were off to bed.

Thanks to the dangling cable, today began at around 0200. I think my watch read 2300 when I turned out the lights. Now we’re “living it up at the Hotel California.”

01 December 2007: So how was my prediction?

Yeah.... Army blown out again by Navy. At one point in the game, one of the announcers summed it up well when he said, "this is a familiar scene - Navy all over Army." Paul Johnson, my old high school offensive line coach (I played running back), has done what no Navy coach has ever done before - 6 straight victories (none of them even close games) over Army. But let's look at something else he has done with Navy that is also unprecedented. He's won five straight Commander-in-Chief's Trophies by going undefeated against Army and Air Force for five straight years. Paul's teams are 11-1 versus service academies. Two straight Navy senior classes have graduated without ever experiencing the pain of a loss to either Air Force or Army. Navy's lead in the Army-Navy series is now the largest it's ever been at 52 wins, 49 losses, 7 ties. Back at Army we still revere former coach Jim Young as though he were a god for what he did with the Black Knights back in the late 80's. Admittedly, it was a remarkable turnaround but it pales in comparison to Paul Johnson. If we were to compare Paul with the all-time greats of service academy coaches he places on a par with Fisher DeBerry (USAFA) and almost on the same level as Earl "Red" Blaike, who coached Army to three national championships. And it's not just that he's winning against Army and Air Force, he's guiding Navy to winning seasons and bowl games. This will also be the fifth straight year Navy has had at least 8 wins and gone to a bowl game. Does Navy have better athletes? No. Paul Johnson is simply a better coach. I hope for Army's sake that a bigger school finally offers him a job. He's earned the right. He'll be a winner wherever he goes. I've said this before and I'll say it again - Army will never defeat a Paul Johnson coached Navy team.

Now let's break down my prediction for the game versus the actual score. I predicted Navy would win 49-14. Obviously, I didn't guess the final score correctly. However, let's look at how accurate my prediction of the blowout actually was. The actual final score was an embarassing Navy 38 Army 3. My prediction was that Navy would beat Army by a margin of 35 points (49-14=35). The actual margin of victory for Navy? 35 points (38-3=35). Some of you are going to argue the old "yeah, but if Army had scored on the opening drive, hadn't fumbled on the goal line, hadn't allowed that kick return..." Folks I watched the game too. Navy kicked Army's collective ass. Football isn't a game of what if's. It's a game of who laid the wood on game day. Navy took Army out behind the woodshed again. They were better prepared, better coached, and the better team all-around. If you don't agree with this then you are in complete denial.

How did I watch the game? I commandeered a TV in the Scorpion MWR. I refused to let any Joe change the channel. Even when they tried to argue that it was a blowout and that other games were on, I refused. In the service academies it is tradition that we watch the entire game from opening kick-off right down to the singing of the Alma Mater at the end - no matter what the score. This was Army-Navy. It only comes once a year. Like every other Army alumni, fan, et al, I'm already saying wait till next year! Go Army! Beat Navy!

I do know that Army certainly won the "spirit commercials." They normally do. My favorite was the "Got Goat" commercial. However, when they were doing the service to country segments where senior players would introduce themselves it seemed to me that every single Army senior was branching Air Defense Artillery. What's up with that? Normally, ADA was the branch that all the cadets who weren't academically ranked high enough for Infantry, Armor, or Aviation ended up selecting. I guess the Army senior football players were all literally gunning for the goat. That is, they were all gunning to be the class goat (lowest academically ranking cadet come graduation time).

Attention Duke University, Nebraska, Georgia Tech, Southern Methodist, Michigan, or any other major college football program in need of a coach - HIRE PAUL JOHNSON! You definitely will not regret your decision. For the sake of Army fans worldwide - PLEASE hire Paul Johnson! Pretty please with sugar on top!

30 November 2007: What happened to this month?

It flew by. I think November passed seemingly faster than any month to date on this deployment. I'll chalk it up to being busy. I didn't spend a single day in Balad. As a matter of fact, I haven't been to Anaconda since I left back on 29 October. My hooch is probably crawling with spiders and scorpions by now. I'm just kidding (I hope). Actually, it occurred to me that at the beginning of each month KBR comes around to each hooch at LSAA and services the AC. They leave a note when they leave to notify you that they were in your room to conduct maintenance. The crew is going to walk into my place to find the exact same note they left for me at the beginning of November. I hope they don't assume I left for good. My stuff is still there. At the rate my missions are going there may be three identical maintenance notes sitting on my bed below the AC. Wouldn't it be ironic if when I return the AC doesnt' work? That would be bad because it's starting to get cold enough at night to turn on the heat and the AC doubles as the heater.

My intent today had included driving over to the MRAP fielding office to see if we could tour the new MRAPs. I underestimated the amount of work we had to complete. By the time we were finished it was way too late. I guess we'll try another day. Worse comes to worse I'll just ask some Joes to give me a tour. As fast as they are getting fielded it won't be hard to do.

It was steak night at the DFAC. On face value that would seem a good thing. I love steak - medium rare and USDA Prime. That's not what's being served at the DFAC. We're fed mystery cuts of beef that are cooked until they are practically jerky. Then we're given flimsy plastic utensils that break as you attempt to cut through the tanned leather. I normally go hungry on steak night.

We're on the eve of Army-Navy. I'm sticking with my prediction. I hope I'm wrong. I want to be wrong. If I'm wrong I want you all to post that I was wrong. I just don't believe my prediction is wrong. However, let me state boldly and emphatically -

GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!