A month ago I flew out of Iraq to Kuwait to begin the redeployment process. It's amazing how time moves on. My memories, and dreams, are still very vivid. Often I find myself dreaming I'm on a Blackhawk or briefing my team on some upcoming mission. Don't worry though - my dreams aren't of bad experiences. I will always feel an emotional attachment to the mission in Iraq. I continue to feel the bond of kinship and camaraderie. Although I'm not deployed anymore, I never lose sight of the fact that thousands of my comrades are still there. It was with great relief that I learned the 15-month rotations would be changed back to 12. Even 12 months is a long time - especially for those who are just now deploying. I know that many of you who've read my blog over the past year also have loved ones deployed (or deploying). How can you shower your love on them while they are away? I'll provide some ideas.
1. Be Patient! Anxiety will be present. It's natural. Just don't let it become your overriding emotional guide. If you don't hear from your loved one for a few days don't assume the worst. It probably just means that he/she is unable to contact you due to mission requirements. They will call or e-mail when they can. When they do they want to hear good news from home, love in your voice, praise in your heart and an absence of worry. It may seem hard to believe, but, your loved one will worry about you probably more than you worry about him. Be strong!
2. Send cards and letters. In this age of e-mail we almost forget how to use the old mail system. Remember when you always had postage stamps handy? Well go buy some more and stay in stock. Mail call in Iraq or Afghanistan still has the same importance it did in Vietnam or World War II. Joes want to receive letters in the mail. It's a little something extra that puts extra enthusiasm in each day. Send pictures of family events and get-togethers. Make certain to remember holidays, birthdays, and other events you know your soldier holds special. Tell all of your friends and relatives where to send mail and frequently remind them to get involved in sending love.
3. Send care packages. Plan your care packages around what your soldier tells you he needs. Keep in mind that there are well-stocked PX's on almost every FOB. Don't send things like baby wipes and toiletries. Joe can readily get those items cheap at the PX. Instead, send things like phone cards, home-baked cookies, and food items that Joe can share with his buddies. Find out from your soldier what the local Iraqis need. Joes frequently hand out toys, soccer balls, candy, and other items to the locals while out on mission. Get involved in this and know that you played a small part in building trust in the local communities your soldier assists.
4. Avoid news about the war! News media thrives on bad stories. You are more likely to hear about a car bombing than the fifty hospitals that opened in the past two months. The reality on the ground and what you hear on TV are vastly different. I won't get political here, that's not my purpose. Your soldier wants to tell you about the good things he is doing. Let him be your source of news about the war and tune out the bad stuff that will cause anxiety (see number one above).
5. Don't ever debate your loved one on the merits of his mission. Now IS NOT the time to get political or idealogical with your soldier. It's fine if you don't agree with the war. Just don't debate your loved one on this issue. Right now it is his mission. A soldier always believes in his mission because to do otherwise would put his fellow soldiers' lives in danger. The Warrior Ethos states, "I will always place the mission first." Your soldier wears the uniform to defend your right to have a differing opinion. Nothing will sap the morale of your loved one more than an angry diatribe of fuming disagreement regarding the war.
Regardless of the FOB, my pointers should help you form a foundation of how to support your soldier while he's deployed. Stay in tune with his needs, requests, and concerns. Always be responsive. Love from home always gives cause for a swell of pride. Do your part. Love your Joe.
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7 comments:
Thank you for visiting our blog. Our daughter's beau should hopefully be returning stateside in June. Reading your blog gave us some idea of what he was experiencing in Iraq. Just read your latest post and thought you had some great advice for those communicating with servicefolks stationed in Iraq. I still think you should keep posting even now that you are stateside. Don't tell anybody but I think West Point is far superior to The Naval Academy. My husband and daughters love Providence, RI. We were able to witness the burning of the river one summer up there. That was a magical moment. And another time we attended a play at Brown University. That is a cool part of the USA. Will you be going back there on your stateside assignment? Got to run and watch the NCAA Final Four!
Thanks for your words of wisdom.
I found your blog as I was searching for info about air bases in Iraq as my son was sitting at March air Force base deploying in 3 hours, thank you for your advice and as always for your service.
I Just stumbled upon your Blog this morning while I was trying to find some truth, and strength after finding our my little brother of 18 is going to be deployed to Ramadi. I sat on the phone joking with him, only to hang up and cry and remind my self for as long as he has been, he has dreamed of being military, and not matter what in a strange sense it is his dream coming to life, making a difference.
I think in the heat of battles often the on-lookers forget that the forging of dreams is often a dirty job, and forget the dream that is being sought.
Thank you for your words, and thank you for you for keeping people's dreams alive.
Thanks for you words of wisdom and insight. My nephew is in Ramadi and I really want to send him things that will be of use and also nice to have from home.
I also appreciate your advice about how to write from home.
Let's get them home soon.
First and Foremost THANK YOU!
My little sister is stationed at Warhorse.. I have been sending her packages weekly, also writing her, I have herd that Warhorse is particularly desolate, do you have any recommendations on what to send, is there a PX there? Can she get online at Warhorse?
Thank you for the opportunity to see into Falcon a little bit. I have adopted a sergeant who is assigned there through "Soldiers' Angels" and he is my third "new son". I have sent many, many letters with lots of enclosures (articles, puzzles, celebrity gossip, LOTS of cartoons) and I send pkg's two at a time since he is a sergeant and I'm sure he wants to share with some of his warriors that have no support from "back home". I send only positive stuff in my correspondences and fun stuff in the pkg's -- I try to send "theme" pkg's like "outdoor fun" which has big bottles of hot dog condiments, pink lemonade mix, frisbee, football, candy, etc. What I didn't know was that there is a PX there, so after reading your blogs, I will stop sending hygeine stuff. Since you have been there, could you suggest, specifically, what you would have loved to have received (PG rated, of course) from your #1 Fan back home... please. :) My email address is mypc4037@yahoo.com. Thank you again for your positive and insightful posts -- you are a hero in my book!!! With PROUD AMERICAN LOVE, Liz Sheffield
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