26 February 2008: Sick call

Two words that have never entered the lexicon of my daily Army existence were given life. When I woke up this morning I was death. Even fresh, hot coffee didn't provide any relief. I loitered in the hooch for an extra hour waiting to feel better. Reluctantly, I began to consider the possibility of strep throat, flu, or worse (this is Iraq). Ok, I don't fuckin' like the idea but I'll go to sick call. "Sick call" is the term given to the time in the morning the clinic allows soldiers without appointments to stop by for medical conditions. It's normally a term used as a joking way to describe substandard soldiers (the fat crew). That's because you can always find a Joe avoiding physical training by going to sick call.That doesn't mean there aren't legitimate cases to be found at sick call. For the first time in my Army career, I went to sick call.

All was well. I was happy I went. There wasn't a "cure all". I walked away feeling just as bad as when I entered the clinic. However, I knew my ailment was not due to the flu, strep throat, or anything else. I just had the generic "bug" that goes around. The doctor gave me some industrial strength horse pills for congestion and sent me on my way. My voice was back but very weak. It was also about ten octaves lower than normal - reducing me to a whispering Barry White. Although I would have loved to go back to the hooch, I had work to do with the newbies.

I was glad I stopped by the office. The new Team Chief was planning his first mission and had multiple questions. He's one of the types that tries to know everything up front - you know the type. I operate on the "point me in the right direction and I'll figure the rest out on the way" mentality. That doesn't mean I clash with my replacement - to the contrary. I'm happy to talk with him for hours to ensure his success. I just don't have the stamina in my voice right now. The end result was that I assisted his planning until my voice gave out again. Reduced to a whisper, I called it a day. One of my soldiers said, "Sir, I've never seen you sick. I didn't think it was possible for you to be sick." "I know Martinez. I'm shocked myself."

This is where the day will sound strangely similar. I stopped at the DFAC and, once again, made a pre-supper nature call. The KBR port-o-jon delivered again. As I relieved my bladder I glanced up at some writing. "Deadpan Joe" had a comment that made me laugh. He wrote:

"What are you looking up here for? The joke is in your hand"

As I turned to exit the port-o-jon, I noticed another quote. Now this particular Joe is obviously the type that looks for ways to get out of work. We call it "shamming". However, reading "Sham Joe's" quote I couldn't decide if he was Irish or simply couldn't spell. You can make the call.

Sham Joe: "Here I go again shaming in the shiter! HA HA HA!"

Once I got back to the hooch I was able to stay awake long enough to see part 2 of the "Stewie kills Lois" episode of The Family Guy. I had to have closure. After all, I saw part 1 at FOB Warhorse. I also wanted to see if my prediction on the ending was correct. I was close. I don't remember anything after the show ended. Doped up and dazed, I crashed.