30 August 2007: Joe gets busted by Squeakers

Squeakers the OPSEC hamster is ever-present. I attribute this to his very small size. It allows him to gain access into places no human could ever fit. That means Squeakers can be watching you at any time and you’d never suspect. It’s all in the name of operational security (OPSEC). I believe it was Squeaker’s grandfather who coined the phrase “Loose lips sink ships” back in WWII. Now Squeakers continues his family legacy. For Squeakers, this includes keeping an eye on FOB UNION III. Even a Joe in the heart of Baghdad may occasionally slip up and violate OPSEC. That’s where Squeakers springs into action. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the DFAC, back in the barracks, out on patrol, or taking a shit in the latrine. Earlier today I was in the latrine and saw evidence that a Joe had been busted by Squeakers. Apparently, Joe was taking a dump and the urge hit to pull out a pen and express his feelings. It seems his unit was very near to redeploying and, like any other Joe in the same situation, he was very happy. He forgot OPSEC.

Joe wrote, “XX number of days till X-XXCAV leaves and goes home.” (notice the ‘X’ marks. Remember Squeakers?)

Squeakers the Hamster had observed this blatant violation of OPSEC. When Joe finished, Squeakers provided a stern rebuke. It also served as a stark reminder to other Joes of the importance of OPSEC. Squeakers X’d out the days and unit number. Then he wrote a message to all Joes.

“OPSEC fuck-head! Unless you want that number to be NEVER!”

Remember – OPSEC is everyone’s responsibility! (no animals were harmed in the making of this graffiti)

I left the latrine refreshed in the knowledge that Squeakers was on the job. The rest of my day was a breeze. Actually, I could’ve used a cool breeze. It was hot. Most of the afternoon was spent at the customs layout inspection of the unit we’re supporting. Everything is paved here and that only makes it hotter. A cold swimming pool would have been nice. The Joes at the inspection were all laughing, throwing water on one another, and having a good time. They were all imbued with that air of “I’m going home!” It could’ve been 150 degrees and they would’ve been having fun.

I did get to see something I hadn’t on my last trip to UNION III. I walked up to the fifth floor of the Baath HQ and observed the giant, unfinished dome. I guess it was going to be a mini Haggia Sophia. A JDAM (Joint Directed Attack Munitions) back in March 2003 put a stop to construction. The construction crane still sits motionless and there’s nothing but emptiness where the dome was to be completed. Below the crane and dome-hole are mounds of rubble where the inside of the building was gutted by the bombs. However, there is an open ledge area that Joes turned into a boxing arena. On the far end they emblazoned the word “Hellraiser” on the wall. I was told that boxing “smokers” are held here about once a month. It was a pretty surreal scene. I wish I could be here to see the boxing.

Later on I was attempting to send e-mail but the net went down. It never came back up. That was very frustrating. It’s just part of life on these remote FOBs. Shit happens.

29 August 2007: Back to UNION III

Today marked the beginning of "split operations" for my team’s mission. Half of them would remain at Camp Liberty. I’d take the other half to some outlying FOBs that were home to subordinate units we were also supporting. My first stop would be UNION III. As you may recall, this is the home of the mausoleum we slept in back in July. It sits on the edge of the Green Zone in downtown Baghdad. Our helicopter flight didn’t have a show time until 1030 so we stopped by the food court for some coffee. I then counseled my NCOIC on my expectations for while I was away. I was leaving him in charge of the operations at Camp Liberty. I had a similar discussion with the Sergeant who would be running the computer data operations. We’re on such a tight time schedule that I have to hear from them daily so I can react to any problems that might arise. Basically, I told them both how and when to submit a daily SITREP to me.

Once we checked in at Liberty Pad we waited for out helicopters. We were flying the "First Team Express". That meant helicopters under the control of "The Big Red One" – 1st Infantry Division. Lee Marvin was nowhere to be seen, which is good because the movie "Big Red One" is one of (if not the) worst war movies ever made. Our flight arrived on time and we loaded up. First Team Express is basically an air ferry service that makes a series of stops at various FOBs. Our first stop was FOB Falcon – only a five minute flight. We picked up a few more passengers and then took off. Just as we departed FOB Falcon we flew directly over the smoldering remains of the huge fire we’d observed from a great distance a few days before. It appeared to be a burning oil pit – definitely petroleum fires. Someone told me later that an underground pipeline had exploded. Our next stop was Camp Rustamiyah. This small FOB is home to some tank units. The Abrams Main Battle Tanks were quite visible from the air. The camp almost seemed too small for them. From there we flew straight into the heart of Baghdad and landed at a tiny postage stamp of a base. The landing pad was gravel surrounded by Hesco barriers. I think the place was an Iraqi Army patrol base. We were in clear sight of anyone on the rooftops surrounding the LZ. I felt very uncomfortable every second we loitered here. Snipers could have had a field day. Although we were only there for about five minutes it seemed an eternity. A few minutes later we were touching down at Washington LZ – our destination.

Our ride was waiting on us. A short time later we were back at UNION III. Actually, I was back. The two team members with me weren’t on the last mission here. I was expecting we’d stay in the mausoleum again. Fortunately, we weren’t. I was given a room of my own in the HQ. My two team members were housed together in a room of the Baath Party palace. Our accommodations are much more cozy than last time. We didn’t waste any time getting to work. One of my soldiers set up our computer operation while the Coast Guard Petty Officer and I went straight to a container customs inspection. We worked the rest of the afternoon and called it a day. Before supper we toured some more of the big palace. We saw the boxing ring Joes set up under the unfinished palace dome. Down in the basement we toured some of Saddam’s torture chambers. It just reinforced my belief that Saddam Hussein was a sick fuck.

After supper I got online to collect my SITREPs and write my own. Wouldn’t you know it? One of my folks back at Liberty failed to send in the required SITREP. As a result, I had to send an incomplete report. I’ll make sure this isn’t a trend.

28 August 2007: Camp Liberty - A Joe's Paradise

Camp Liberty is a much dirtier place than Anaconda. The biggest reason is that Camp Liberty sprung up on empty fields adjacent to Saddam’s former palace compounds. Anaconda was actually a base prior to falling under new management and had existing, paved roads and buildings. Everything at Camp Liberty is on dirt, dust, or gravel. It’s a very unattractive place that serves one purpose – house thousands of Joes. I’ve often wondered what the place looked like before the hundreds of CHU’s and jersey barriers went up. I imagine it was just fields, marshes, and occasional tree. Its post-invasion transformation hasn’t created an armpit as bad as FOB Warhorse. It is one ugly place though. I can’t decide which is uglier – Liberty or Camp Striker.

I guess what I’m saying is that there is nothing to see here. It’s not like some of the other places we go where there’s a palace or something. Here it’s just Joes and dust. There’s the DFAC. Over there you’ll find the gym and MWR. You can’t miss the PX outlet, barber shop, laundry, and calling center. Joes from outlying FOBs find this place to be paradise. There are plenty of DFACs, food courts, PX’s, gyms, and other things to do or spend money on. Hell, just today I saw a Joe that had purchased a 32” LCD flat-screen TV at the PX. All I could think was how ridiculous a waste of money that was. Oh well, it didn’t come out of my wallet. I don’t even look at the electronics stuff when I visit the PX. Joe does though. He buys up TV’s, video games, stereo equipment, computers, and anything else that looks good. Tax-free pay starts burning a whole in Joe’s pocket after awhile and he has to spend it somewhere. I must confess – even I indulged in Cinnabon the other day. I don’t know where else you can find one in Iraq other than Camp Liberty. I reckon that does make it paradise.

Walking out of the DFAC tonight I was greeted by a spectacular, perfect full moon. It hung low in the east. There’s a lunar eclipse tonight but it won’t be visible here. That’s too bad. It would have been quite a show. I broke out the camera and attempted to take a photo. My night photography sucks. You can see for yourself. After several frustrating attempts to get a good photo I gave up and called it a night.

27 August 2007: Monday? I guess so...

It’s impossible for anyone to get a “case of the Mondays” around here. We work every day on when we’re on missions. Were it not for calendars, we’d definitely lose track of what day of the week we were on. I won’t belabor this because I know I already talked about the “Ground Hog Day” effect in a previous entry. I guess I’m just saying that if someone didn’t tell me I wouldn’t even have known it was Monday.

Compared to yesterday, the day seemed quite tame. There were no more fireworks, no ass-chewings, and no mortar attacks. We didn’t even drive around much because there were no inspections scheduled today. I stopped by the office where my computer operators were working to visit with them for a while. Later in the day I met with a Lieutenant from one of the units we’ll be working with in the Green Zone. I guess the highlight of the day was having a cup of “Seattle’s Best” coffee and a mini Cinnabon. Both are available in the Liberty PX food court.

Soldiers seem to have a lot of time to spend at the gym. I went earlier today than usual hoping it would be less crowded. I was disappointed to find it to be just as packed as ever. Actually, it was more crowded. I didn’t stay long. It was too hot, stinky, sweaty, and loud.
I guess it’s comforting to know that Joe stays in shape

26 August 2007: "Pink Floyd! I love that guy!"

Early this morning three of my team members drove over to where an engineering unit was packing up their shipping containers for the return home. Two of my guys are in the Coast Guard and are HAZMAT experts. Since one of the containers was to carry HAZMAT, it was essential that my “Coasties” inspected how the material was packed. They also needed to ensure the paperwork was completed correctly. While they were there a Major from the engineer unit showed up and started yelling at my guys in a most unprofessional manner (right in front of other soldiers I might add). The Major was yelling things like, “We ain’t fuckin’ doin’ that! In five deployments I’ve never seen that listed as fuckin’ HAZMAT!” My guys kept their cool. Once the Major was finished with his tirade they came and found me. Upon hearing what had happened I asked where I might find the Major. We took a little drive back over to the engineers. While my team continued to help them properly pack their containers, I set out to find the Major.

I found him a short time later walking out of their HQ. I identified myself to him and asked him what his problem was with my team. “Sir, I been doin’ this for years and I know what’s HAZMAT and what isn’t,” he grumbled. I asked him if he were the person who would be inspecting those containers at the port. Of course he wasn’t. “Do you know who will Major?” I asked. He looked at me with a blank stare. “Those two Coast Guard personnel that you were very unprofessional towards work for the same USCG team that inspects your containers at the port. Do you think they know what to look for? We are here to help your unit get home without problems. Under whose authority do you proceed to yell at my team?” I continued but he attempted to interrupt me with comments about how he’d done this before, was certified in HAZMAT, and other lame excuses. That was the wrong answer. At that point I told him “at ease” (which in military terms means shut the fuck up). I made a few points very clear to him. If he had a problem from then on he’d best come see me first. Later on in the day he took it upon himself to apologize to my Coast Guard personnel and respectfully ask for their assistance in filling out his paperwork. I don’t foresee any future problems out of the Major.

After my ass-chewing of the Major the day went very smooth. We continued with some inspections over at Camp Striker. Since we were there we ate lunch at the Commando Café (longtime readers will remember this place as the biggest DFAC in Iraq). After lunch we loitered at the Striker PX for a few minutes before heading back to Camp Liberty. By 1500 we were done. That’s good because it was blistering hot. I took a nap and then walked to the gym.

While I was at the gym I noticed that they were blaring music from an AFN radio channel – The Eagle. Apparently, it was classic rock weekend. After awhile I started focusing in on what the DJ was saying between sets. It became quite obvious that you don’t need to be a music history genius to work for AFN. “Us and Them” by Pink Floyd was playing. At the end of the song the DJ said, “That was Pink Floyd. I love that guy! Although, I have to say that sometimes he was way out there.” I rolled my eyes and sighed. If you don’t get it then you may need to Google “Pink Floyd”. It’ll come to you.

Just as I was settling down back at my hooch my evening was briefly interrupted. “THWUMP!!!” – with accompanying violent shaking and rocking of my hooch. Normally, nobody ever reacts to this but this one was different. It hit very close by. I stuck my head out the door and although it was dark I could see others sticking their heads out to see what was up. I learned that a mortar round had impacted less than 300 meters to the rear of my hooch. There was only one round though – fortunately because that one was way too close for comfort. It didn’t hit anything or anyone so it just provided us with something to talk about over morning coffee.

Check out today's photo and see if you can find the Blackhawks. I didn't even know they were in the picture until after I downloaded the camera and was browsing through the photos. This was looking towards the DFAC from my hooch.

25 August 2007: We get new wheels

The day came to find my team still in a reactionary holding pattern. I held a meeting at 0900 to plan out some events that we could accomplish while we waited. About 1030 I walked across the street to an infantry brigade headquarters to talk with their transportation officer. I had some questions for the brigade in reference to some missions we had upcoming to support their redeployment. After lunch I took part of the team by one of the division HQs to discuss the same type of stuff. While there we received great news. The division was providing us an NTV (non-tactical vehicle). It’s an Isuzu Trooper. We are psyched. Now we have a vehicle that’s got AC, it rides well, and we don’t have to wear a Kevlar to drive around. The decrepit hummer ambulance can now be parked. We’ll still have it as a backup.

For the most part, the day was spent knocking on doors and having impromptu meetings. This way when we come back the units we’ve met with will be more ready. The word on the street is that there will finally be some containers ready for us to check tomorrow. My computer guys are gainfully employed and have been this whole time. So, we really haven’t been idle the whole time we’ve been in Camp Liberty. It’s just that the real action will start once we begin inspecting containers, paperwork, and HAZMAT.

As night fell I stopped by the orderly room of one of the engineer units. It was a National Guard unit from Puerto Rico. They had been cooking a spicy fish and rice meal on hot plates. It smelled wonderful but I had already eaten. I told them I’d come back another night. I had stopped by to use their phone. They were more than happy so I was able to call home. The phone was right next to some of their tactical radios. Apparently, they had soldiers outside the wire. Every few minutes my call would have to pause while the unit on patrol called in checkpoints, spot reports, and situation updates. Fortunately, it sounded like they were having an uneventful patrol. All the radio traffic was routine.

Alas, it was time for bed. Walking back to my hooch I was treated to a light show of flares. They were coming from helicopters in the distance. I couldn’t see them but I could hear them. I really don’t know why they were shooting flares. It made for a cool night spectacle though.

24 August 2007: "Somebody forgot to turn off the f***ing oven!"

I guess you could say we’re settling into a routine now. That’s actually the last I wanted for this mission. We can’t control it though. The unit we came to support simply wasn’t ready for us. As a result, we have to ad lib until they are. I could think of tons of things we could do but are unable due to lack of transportation. All we have is an ambulance humvee that runs on a prayer. I’m not even sure how we ended up with the thing. It’s still looking as though it will be several days before we are completely work engaged. So in the meantime I’ve started getting around this huge compound to visit with other brigades that we’ll be supporting in the near future. At least I can help them plan their redeployment operations. It’s also a good time to introduce some of my team members to the folks they’ll work with on future missions.

With such meetings in mind, we loaded up in our decrepit humvee and drove over to Camp Striker. It was blisteringly hot and the AC doesn’t work. We sweltered our way over to meet with some folks in a brigade headquartered at Striker. It was a good meeting – very productive. We loitered awhile to enjoy their AC and drink their water. As we were leaving I overheard some Joes walking ahead of us. One of them said in a very “countrified” manner, “somebody forgot to turn off the fuckin’ oven.” No truer words could’ve been spoken.

All day today there was a huge pall of black smoke on the horizon to the northeast. I asked around but nobody seemed to know what it was. It burned into the night. I estimated it to be about 30 miles away. I think there is a refinery in that direction. I’m just speculating though.

As I was walking to supper I passed several vehicles belonging to an engineer unit. It made me realize that this war has spawned a whole new generation of Army vehicles. They all are in reaction to the type of war we are fighting here. All of them are for defeating IEDs. The engineers are the units that utilize the widest array of new equipment. They are tasked with clearing routes of IEDs so that other units can safely pass. To do so they move out in MRAPs, Buffalos, up-armored humvees, and a variety of other vehicles. Attached to their vehicles are mine rollers, plows, drag chains, electronic jamming booms, wire cutters, and various other contraptions. They even have some vehicles carrying giant blowers that are like a leaf blower on Barry Bond’s steroids. It clears debris off the sides of roads with gale force winds. Watching an engineer convoy move out is an impressive sight.

It’s unlikely we’ll be completely engaged tomorrow either so I’ll be driving around Camp Liberty knocking on doors. I must say that it is quite nice to have internet in my room. I forgot what a luxury it can be.

23 August 2007: Stupid Boonie Cap!

We’re now settled in here at Camp Liberty. I was expecting that we’d get right to work. That would be how things work in the ideal world. I found out it was time for us to be patient. It turned out that one of the units that had requested our help was nowhere near being ready for us. The other unit only required computer help and won’t need the rest of the team until a few days from now. That meant we’re here, we’re ready, and we’re essential tourists for a couple of days. I’m not happy about that. However, it’s out of our hands so I won’t stress about it.

Another challenge we’re faced with is limited transportation. Camp Liberty alone is a huge place. The prospect of “foot power” in this heat is not promising. I walked over to one of the units we’re supporting and practically melted away in the process. After visiting them I trekked over to the PX and back to my hooch. On the way back to my hooch a gust of wind blew my boonie cap off and I had to look like an idiot chasing it down. It’s one thing to stop traffic when it’s just cars. Try stopping traffic when it’s armored personnel carriers, tanks, and MRAPs. I know all the soldiers were amused at watching a lieutenant colonel chasing after his boonie cap and stopping military traffic. I received a few waves from some of the various vehicles. Fortunately, I was able to save my cap before it was run over by any of the heavy vehicles.

By the time I got back to the hooch I was exhausted. This was more due to being out in the excessive heat. I drank some water and took a nap. My hooch at Camp Liberty is very centralized with respect to the DFAC and gym. That’s a good thing when you have to walk everywhere. Once I’d napped for about thirty minutes I went to the gym. The place was absolutely packed. I managed to get in a decent workout though. After a quick shower I hit the DFAC. All the walking in the heat had made for a whopping appetite. I chowed down on just about everything on my plate. Hell, I even threw in a big piece of strawberry cheesecake for good measure.

This is going to sound mundane to most of you but there is a huge advantage to being in Camp Liberty – there is a wireless network available. It’s a rip-off, but, I paid for a month of service just for the luxury of internet in my hooch. It’s something I don’t have in Balad. If I didn’t pay for the wireless I’d be mooching off of someone else or waiting in line at the internet café. Damn! I’m living large!

22 August 2007: That wasn't my Blackhawk!

And so another mission begins. This time is different. It’s a departure from what we’ve done in the past. My team is embarking on what I call our “Super Bowl” – the redeployments of various large units to their respective home stations. Up until now, our missions have (for the most part) been simple training missions where we give the units an overview of the process of redeployment. Now we’re actually performing all the tasks we outline in our training. Our missions will be measured in weeks instead of days. The “kickoff” to start the first quarter took place with me taking half the team to Camp Liberty. This will be our home and base of operations for the next two or three weeks.

As usual, our selected mode of transportation was Blackhawks from Catfish Air. We loaded up around 1130 and were on our way within the hour. The pilots took us on a long, scenic route. Normally, the trip from Balad to Camp Liberty takes about twenty minutes. Today we were in the air for almost forty-five minutes. On previous trips we flew around the western edge of Baghdad. That wasn’t the case today. I think the flight crews were interested in sight-seeing. We flew directly over downtown Baghdad, straight across the Green Zone, and on to Camp Liberty. In a sense it was cool – we saw just about every major landmark from the air. On the other hand it wasn’t cool – the flight seemed to drag on forever. It was hot, we were wearing all our gear, and it became more and more unbearable as the flight continued. I think we all got some great photos though. Once we landed on Liberty Pad, we had to walk an additional 300 meters dragging all our gear. For whatever reason, the Blackhawks had touched down on the opposite side of the concrete landing pad from the terminal. By the time we met up with our ride we were all drenched in sweat.

The rest of the day was the usual flurry of checking into our billets, eating chow, and getting set up for the mission. We did all this in our normal efficiency. We’re staying in exactly the same billets we were last time we were in Camp Liberty. This place is becoming our home away from home. Tomorrow we get to work. Everyone on the team is definitely ready to get it on.
As a footnote to today’s entry – there was a Blackhawk that went down north of Baghdad this morning. It crashed due to mechanical problems. Fourteen soldiers perished in the crash. It was a very tragic event. Compounding this was that it was reported almost immediately in the news back home. Most of my family and friends knew I was flying today. When the news hit it caused considerable worry and consternation to those I love back home. I made certain that every member of my team called home to assure their families that they were fine. I did likewise. In light of today I’ve come to realize more fully the emotional sacrifices that family and loved ones back home endure daily. The news today hit very close to home.

21 August 2007: Super-secret Air Force stuff

I guess my comment yesterday of “generic birds” just wouldn’t fly (yeah, I know – that’s a little corny). Anyway, for you bird enthusiasts, I’ve included the best photo I had. If you can tell what kind of birds these are then let me know. I’m certain the world is at a standstill waiting for the answer. They still look pretty generic to me.

Today was mission “crunch time.” I was furiously wrapping up the loose ends of final preparations. The scope of our missions is vastly greater than what we’ve done in the past. It’s very important we do everything we can to be ready. I fired off a flurry of last-minute e-mails, phone calls, and recommendations. I gave another mission briefing to several more members of my team. Everyone seems pretty clear on what’s in store. Nobody had any questions. I think we’re ready to get it on.

Before I even noticed the day was gone. I still found time to hit the gym. That’s always a release. When I stopped by the DFAC I found that the Air Force was having a big dinner event. It occupied half the DFAC so the rest of us pukes were crammed into the other side. Every now and then the AF would start pounding their fists (or forks – I couldn’t tell) on their tables. I’m not sure what they were talking about but they sure liked pounding their tables. One theory I had was that it was some kind of hand-eye coordination test. Perhaps a roach had been released on each table and the goal was to be the first person on the table to squash the bug? It sounded as though they were having fun. I could tell it was super-secret AF stuff. I didn’t investigate for fear of causing a riot of some kind. The AF folks here at LSAA are “all about the team” – so long as the team members are all AF.

I made one more stop by the office to check e-mail again. Then I called it a night. At least that’s when I went back to the hooch. I did some packing for the mission but bored of that activity very quickly. My bed was much more inviting

20 August 2007: I have a Balad "nature moment"

Preparations for upcoming missions continued all day today. I briefed my team on our tentative plan for one of the missions. The office received a constant barrage of e-mails and phone calls from the various units we’ll be supporting the next few weeks. In spite of all of our planning, a lot of our support will be reactionary to events as they unfold on the ground. I just call it “semper gumby” – always flexible. The only way we can keep our sanity when we’re on missions is to be flexible. Things change so rapidly it can be maddening. Top it off with all the time spent waiting on flights that never happen and it can be very frustrating. So I continually stress the importance to the team that everyone be semper gumby. If it isn’t something you can control then don’t stress about it – ever! The only thing guaranteed about military operations is that the plan will change as soon as you start the mission.

The big news for today was the weather. It was overcast! We were in shock. Amazingly, there was a cloud cover for most of the day. It made a huge difference to the temperature. It was still over 100. It just didn’t top 110. The clouds stayed overhead until late in the day. Even then it remained partly cloudy. I managed to snap a great photo of the sun behind some clouds shortly before sunset.

I also had a Balad “nature moment.” As I walked out of my office at the end of the day I noticed movement in the tree next to our parking area. Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was a bird nest. There were two young nesting birds. Momma bird was nowhere to be seen. I crept up and took a couple of photos. Both the birds looked like they should be big enough to fly off on their own. I’m no bird expert. I have no idea what type of birds they were. However, I know enough to state unequivocally that they weren’t pigeons or raptors. They were just your generic birds.

We don’t get many chances for nature moments around here. I’m glad I had at least one moment. Most nature moments around here are encounters with the sickly smell of superheated shit baking in port-o-jons out in the noonday sun.

19 August 2007: Subtle Sacrifices

Sometimes the sacrifices we go through for deployments are subtle. Often they are personal. Normally they are represented by events back home that we have to miss. This has been a particularly rough weekend in that regard. I already mentioned my nephew’s graduation from basic training. It was tough for me to miss that. Today was the “double-whammy.” My family held its annual reunion back in the North Carolina mountains. It’s always an enjoyable event. We begin by gathering at the family cemetery to remember and honor our past generations. Then we all head to the community center for an afternoon of fun, food, fellowship, and more food. Did I mention the food? Were it not for the reunion I wouldn’t see some of the family at all. I always look forward to the reunion. I had to be there in spirit today. Thanks to modern technology I was able to see photos from the events. Fortunately, I was able to get in a phone call and talk with most everyone in the immediate family. I could almost smell the food over the phone. I’ll definitely be there next year (with an appetite).

My day was a day off. It will be the last one for a long time. I performed a little “barracks maintenance” on my hooch. That means I cleaned and swept. The place needed it for certain. Dust accumulates quickly around here and without warning. I popped in the gym for a workout. Later I stopped by Green Beans for one more round of fun before the missions get started. Although several members of my team mentioned going, none of them were present. I visited with some of my friends I’ve met over the months. I wouldn’t call it a spectacular night but it was fun. I cruised back to the hooch around 2330. On the way home I had to wait for quite a while at an intersection along the perimeter road. A very large convoy was staging and moving outside the wire on its way to an undisclosed location. It was another opportunity for me to reflect on how incredibly resilient Joes are. Even at that late hour they were moving with efficiency and purpose – diligently performing their jobs. I had no doubts as to the success of that convoy. It was in the best of hands – Joe’s.

18 August 2007: No Time (or patience) for Rumors

This will constitute my last routine Saturday for a long time. My team is on the edge of our “Super Bowl”. From here on out, we’ll be traveling, working, and performing our missions at practically every FOB in Iraq. Although we’ve already done a considerable amount of traveling, it all pales in comparison to what’s in store. We’ll be seeing a lot of familiar places. By the same token, we’ll also travel to FOBs we’ve not seen as yet. Whereas in the past our missions were only for two or three days we’ll now work missions that are measured in weeks. Despite the daunting appearance, we are excited and ready.

Since it was a Saturday, we only worked until around mid-afternoon. Most of our work consisted of last minute checks of equipment, inventories, and rehearsals. Out on mission is the wrong time to realize we forgot something. That won’t happen. I let everyone leave for the weekend once they were finished with their assigned tasks. Most of the team had departed the office by 1500. That’s about the time I left as well. I put in a great workout, took a short nap, and had supper. Work resumes Monday morning.

Today wasn’t without wrinkles. First thing this morning I received an e-mail from down in Kuwait. Apparently, someone has started circulating an ugly rumor down at our parent unit. It’s amazing how quickly a rumor can gain life – even if it isn’t true (as with this and most other rumors). In the military it is essential for the leadership of a unit to squash rumors immediately. Failure to do so is the same as validating the rumor. In this case, it seems the chain-of-command in Kuwait hasn’t put any backbone into squashing this rumor. I was furious (so was my team) when I got wind of what was being said. It seems that some of the soldiers in Kuwait think that I said there are certain people down there I don’t want on my team. Where in the world they got that idea I have no idea. I’ve never even implied anything of the sort. Every member of my team volunteered to be here. Most of them asked if they could work with me back when we were still in Camp Shelby. There are still people in Kuwait who volunteered to be here that I can’t accommodate until we truly need their assistance. Occasionally I will request an additional soldier or two. Because of the extremely important nature of the work we perform it is critical that I implicitly specify the skills a soldier must have. What’s most important to my team (and my first priority) is mission accomplishment. There is a huge difference between specifying required skills versus singling someone out by name as someone that’s not wanted. If there is someone still in Kuwait who meets the skills I specify and volunteered to me I’ll request them by name. Otherwise, I’ll just state the skills and approximate rank of the soldier I require and leave it to the operations people in Kuwait to send me a match. I’ll be very blunt in this venue. If you’re a soldier down in Kuwait and you are spreading this rumor I have a recommendation – either contact me directly to discuss your grievance (at which time you will find it is baseless, unfounded, and untrue) or shut the fuck up with your rumor. I challenge any of you who subscribe to this nonsense to contact any member of my team as well. One thing I can promise, if you want to make certain that you’ll never serve on our team just keep spreading false rumors. I’ll find out who you are and ensure you never come here. My team has no time, patience, or sympathy for “rumor mongers.” Our priority is mission accomplishment whatever (and whoever) it takes.

There I got that off my chest. Sometimes a guy just needs to vent frustration. It is very frustrating to hear unfounded rumors getting circulated around my own parent unit – the very unit my team depends upon for personnel and support. Hopefully, the chain-of-command there will do the right thing and bring it to a screeching halt

17 August 2007: The Military Legacy Continues

And so the military legacy continues…. Today marked the first event back home that I’m truly feeling sad for missing. My oldest nephew graduated from Army basic training at Fort Knox, KY. Several family members attended the graduation. I called to coincide with the completion of the ceremony but missed the man of honor. He was back at his barracks. Apparently, all the new graduates weren’t released immediately after the ceremony. They had to go back and perform “barracks maintenance.” I was able to speak with everyone except Patrick. I won’t actually talk to him until later this weekend. I’m proud of him for certain.

There wasn’t anything about today that stood out here in Balad. My nephew’s graduation was the highlight. I was there in spirit. It wasn’t quite an out of body experience but close. I’m quite familiar with Fort Knox, having spent quite some time there for training.

We’re just counting the days down to the next mission.

16 August 2007: The Curse of Popeye's

Here’s a big advantage of being deployed and having a birthday – there’s no hangover the next day. As a matter of fact, the day after is just like any other day. I was back at the 0900 meeting, back at my office, and back to my normal routine. I did make certain to thank everyone in the unit for the birthday surprise they gave me. On the same subject, I still have cards coming in the mail. I received another handful of cards today. I’ve never received so many birthday cards, greetings, and wishes in my life. I lost count but it’s been a lot.

The team is still in a “rest halt” between missions. As such, we’re much more mundane right now. Although there are things we’re working at our location, they aren’t really that exciting to talk about. We’ve got a mountain of missions upcoming. Once we get busy again we won’t be seeing much of Anaconda for a long time. It’s hard to express how busy we really are about to be. Just keep checking back and you’ll notice that there will be extended periods of travel. It’s all part of our job description.

Once evening fell I made a tactical error. I didn’t finish my workout in time to hit the DFAC. As a result, I had to make a trip to one of the food courts. That meant I went to Popeye’s. Now don’t get me wrong – I can eat some Popeye’s. However, there’s a big difference between eating their chicken and red beans back in the states and eating it here. It tastes basically the same. Once it’s getting digested there can be problems. I think everyone knows where I’m going with this. That’s right – about two hours after eating I came down with a case of the shits. The grumbling pain woke me from my sleep. I had to make several runs to the latrine. It’s really stupid to buy food at the food courts here. The DFAC is free, clean, safe, and has great food. The moral of my story is always plan time to eat at the DFAC. Having a case of the shits AND being deployed is not a good scenario.

15 August 2007: Birthday in Balad

I’ve spent three of my past five birthdays deployed. Of the three spent deployed, this one was the best. Some people look for reasons to spend melancholy days – birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. I don’t. Although I try to approach every day the same, it’s still important to acknowledge special things about certain days. While it is true that I’d rather spend my birthday with friends and family back home, I do get to spend it with my surrogate family in Iraq. They took care of me today. I am glad we weren’t on mission today because it would have been much more difficult to have a day like today.

Every day we have a 0900 meeting to discuss important daily events. The whole staff remembered it was my birthday. They sang that timeless classic “Happy Birthday to You.” It was very moving. I was touched that they remembered. I have a habit of not advertising. If people forget it’s my birthday I don’t act like Molly Ringwald’s character in “Sixteen Candles.” I didn’t even have to worry about it though. Everyone knew it was my birthday.

Once the meeting was complete I headed over to my office. Nobody on my team said a word. I began to believe that only the staff remembered. I wasn’t about to blurt out anything. The day wore on as though nothing was different. To be fair, we do have several things we’re working on right now. We also have some visitors here for assistance. Add it all up and it means there are several moving pieces. With that in mind it wouldn’t be surprising if folks didn’t acknowledge a birthday.

As the day creeped to a close I entertained the idea of hitting Green Beans for karaoke. Only a couple of people expressed interest. I mentioned it again at the 1700 meeting but nobody really seemed excited at the idea. As I left for the day only a couple of people had mentioned they would meet me over there. Once I had worked out and ate supper I met the lieutenant on my team and we drove over to the west side. Lo and behold, every member of the unit was there. Somehow they had managed to surprise me. They had a birthday cake. The XO got up and led the entire crowd in another rendition of “Happy Birthday to You.” We took photos, passed out cake, and spent a few minutes together at Green Beans. I’ve got to say that I was pleasantly surprised. It was a nice touch by everyone.

Birthdays come and go, but I’m certain I’ll always remember this one. It wasn’t necessarily because of how the events unfolded. I genuinely felt cared for by everyone I work with. That in itself made it a special day.

Sounds kinda corny doesn’t it?

14 August 2007: "The Peoples' Champ" returns to H6

I have to back up and tell everyone about something else that happened yesterday. It directly affected events that unfolded today. While I was having supper with the group commander the night before I heard someone call out my name. Looking around I saw an Army Specialist running over to me. It was the same guy I came to the defense of during the last Balad Idol. If you aren’t familiar with what I’m talking about then refer back to April and read about the Balad Idol competition. The specialist told me that he was in the competition again. I didn’t even know there was another competition. He asked me to come cheer him on. At considerable risk of being lynched, I agreed to return to the AF recreation center to cheer for him. It turned out that the competition was tonight.

Now I’ll get back to today. The group commander is in town. When I came into the office this morning I made certain the office was straight. Everyone was busy. I gave them a quick refresher for the day’s schedule. At 1300 he commander arrived for his briefing. He brought a big entourage. It included two sergeants major and another lieutenant colonel. I assembled my team and began the briefing. Everything went well. At the end he remarked, “excellent briefing, good job.” Then the entire entourage got up and left. The whole thing lasted about forty minutes. As soon as they were gone I told the team to take care of whatever personal business they needed to resolve. Our next event involving the commander was a hail and farewell at 1700. I took off to the gym. My workouts had been elusive the past few days.

At 1700 we experienced the military adage of “hurry up and wait.” We all were standing tall in the “Audie Murphy Room” of DFAC 1 at precisely 1700. However, nobody else showed up until 1730. Then the group commander and his entourage didn’t arrive until after 1800. While we waited I told everyone to go ahead and grab chow. After all, it was Mongolian BBQ night. At around 1830 we finally started the hail and farewell. We welcomed a couple of new folks and then said goodbye to a long time member of the unit that provides operational support to my team. He’s been in Iraq for 21 straight months. Although we’ll certainly miss him, he’s definitely ready to get out of here. His next stop is Korea.

At this point you’ll need to refer back to the first paragraph. I’ll pick the story back up. After the hail and farewell I left the DFAC to venture back to forbidden territory – the AF H6 recreation center. I had no idea what to expect but had already decided to just lay low and cheer on the specialist. When I arrived it was like returning to a crime scene. I hadn’t even walked five steps inside before I was mobbed by several AF and Army personnel. They immediately asked if I would sing, could I do TNT, would I please shake up the place. At first I said no. People kept asking. The specialist, the DJ, one of the BI judges, a host of people I didn’t even know (or remember), etc. – they all kept asking. Finally, I relented. I agreed that as long as it wasn’t part of the competition I’d sing TNT. Around 2130 it happened. I was brought back onstage at H6. When I was handed the microphone I acknowledged the crowd. Then I rocked the place. People were up on their chairs cheering, everyone was screaming “Oy! Oy! Oy!” There was no sign of trouble. At the end I said “thank you everybody, H6 – I still love you. If you can find another LTC in Iraq that does what I just did I’ll give you $20.” Then I walked off, high-fiving folks the whole way. I don’t think I will start going back to H6. However, it was funny to make such a triumphant return. It was like the return of “The Peoples’ Champ”. But the night wasn’t about me, it was about the specialist. Once the place died down the competition resumed. He did outstanding. Unfortunately tonight wasn’t the final. He did get voted on to the final though. I can’t be there because I’ll be on mission. It was cool to see him perform again. The ogre chief was nowhere to be seen. Equilibrium seemed to have been restored at H6. Everyone was happy.

The specialist told me he only has about 30 days before he redeploys. Although I won’t see him perform at the final I do hope to see him again prior to his departure. He’s a good soldier performing dangerous work daily and still finding time to have fun. His whole unit deserves a hero’s welcome upon their return to Arkansas.

13 August 2007: Third time's a charm

It turns out that third time is a charm. At least it is when it comes to command visits. The group commander arrived today. My team’s first order of business was to clean up our office. It was in a bit of disarray. Although the commander didn’t stop by today, the office looks much nicer. We expect to see him tomorrow. I definitely have my briefing ready. I had plenty of time to get it together.

With the commander’s visit came a return of the heat. We were sweltering again today. It’s unfortunate. Our cooler temperatures lasted just long enough to spoil everyone. I knew it was too soon for it to get a little cooler around here. We’re do for at least another month and a half of this weather.

Overall, Monday wasn’t much to brag about. It was mostly just the “jump through the hoop” stuff that always accompanies a command visit. As the day came to a close, I braced myself for something I knew was coming. My intent was to go for a run. It wasn’t in the cards. Just as our end-of-day meeting was wrapping up I got asked what I was doing for supper. Damn! I got “invited” to have supper with the group commander. That, of course, meant to go eat supper right then (I always eat later after my workout). What could I do? I joined him for supper. We weren’t alone. Also present were a couple of sergeants major, the XO, the operations officer, and another battalion commander. With all those people present it was impossible to have a meaningful discussion. Therefore, it was one of those “nobody can leave until the commander leaves” events. That meant lots of idle chit-chat about things like baseball, NASCAR, and football. Unfortunately, it also meant several boring “this is tough but let me tell you about Desert Storm” stories. I had to just smile and force a laugh from time to time. I didn’t share any war stories.

I tried hard to let the food settle so I could go put in a late workout. The only thing that happened is I got tired. Instead of working out I was asleep by 2300. We’ve got a full schedule on Tuesday. I need to use all of my planning skills to figure out how to squeeze in a run. It’s a tough assignment.

12 August 2007: Joe knows latrine commentary

What was my top priority on a Sunday with no mission? I hope you guessed sleep. If you didn’t then you must be new to my blog. Sleep took top billing. I didn’t even stir until around 0900. Even then I didn’t get up. I flipped on the TV and watched AFN as I dozed in and out. Around 1000 I got up and made a wonderful pot of coffee. Why is it so wonderful on Sunday? It’s very simple. I don’t have to be anywhere so I’m not gulping coffee and watching the clock. Hell I didn’t even get out of my boxers until almost noon. The only nuisance to my morning was the maintenance workers nearby who kept shutting down the electricity to my hooch block. That was a bummer because it meant no water (electric water pumps). I was just about to take a shower when the power went out. I had to break out the battery-operated razor and drive-on with my day.

Truth is, I rolled through the day in a sleepwalk. I went to the office to check e-mail. I put in an early workout just to get it out of the way. I ventured back to the office to make a call home. I even strolled over to the PX for no reason. That was a good call. While at the PX I stopped by a KBR port-o-jon for a nature break. I was rewarded with some good Joe comments. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a pen and paper. However, I did remember a couple of comments and will share them.

Joe’s fascination with Chuck Norris continues. Here’s a fact about Chuck I wasn’t aware of until now.

“Chuck Norris lost both his legs in an auto accident but was still able to walk it off.”

Damn that guy is tough!

Someone from one of the other services noted something that I’ve known all along when he wrote, “What makes Army guys so cool is that they know how to write on walls.”

Well said. Joe knows latrine commentary.

11 August 2007: So what was the ultimatum?

Are you ready for the sound of a broken record? Here it comes. The elusive command visit is back on. Yeah, I know… It was cancelled twice at the last minute. Well it’s back on and will take place this coming week. At first I figured this would be as easy as simply updating my command briefing. Wrong! This is the Army and nothing can be that easy. Instead, the command group down in Kuwait had e-mailed us an example of the format they required for all briefing slides. The instructions were that we were to ensure that our slides met the standard. The irony of this is that this “required” format was never provided to us for the previous visits (the ones that cancelled). To make matters worse, the formatted slide provided couldn’t be imported into the slide master. As a result, I had to completely redo my entire presentation. Whereas it would have take all of ten minutes to update my older presentation, recreating a whole new briefing took me most of the morning. The Army is fixated on the use of Powerpoint. Most staff officers are jokingly referred to as “Powerpoint Rangers”. It’s actually a true description. I’ve successfully avoided that label up to now. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been pinned with slide requirements. After my morning of laborious slide production I am proud to say that my briefing now meets the standard format (at least for our command).

Since it was Saturday and we weren’t on mission the team took the afternoon off. I suggested we all go see the 1700 movie. It just so happened that the movie was “The Bourne Ultimatum.” Most of the team readily agreed so we made it a plan. Even though we went to the theater well over an hour before the movie we still had to wait outside in line. Nobody would be allowed in until the 1400 movie let out and everyone in attendance had departed. That way people can’t go to the early movie to get premium seats for the next movie (every movie is different – the 1400 showing was “Mr. Brooks”). It wasn’t until about 1620 that the doors opened. We streamed into the theater bathed in sweat. I’ve never seen the theater as full as it was for this movie. By the time the lights went down it was standing room only. Joes were even sitting on the aisle steps. I didn’t realize that Jason Bourne was that popular. I’ve seen the first two in the series and they were both entertaining. The third movie was worth the wait. We all enjoyed the action. I won’t give anything away. I did leave with a question though. What was Jason Bourne’s ultimatum?

After the movie we all went our separate ways for the weekend. We’ll convene again on Monday morning. I made a phone call home, wrote a few e-mails, and loaded more songs on iTunes. I can’t download songs here but I do exchange music with my team. I guess I’ve added a couple more gigs since I deployed.

We are ecstatic for the return of football season.

10 August 2007: Puttin' out the "brush fires"

In spite of my best efforts I’m simply not inspired by any aspect of my Friday. Quite frankly, it came and went as a blur. Most of my workday was spent fighting “brush fires” that were popping up everywhere. Apparently, there are some people in key positions who are spreading rumors about the type of work my team actually does. As a result, there were various phone calls and e-mails from random units requesting off-the-wall support. It was always something that was in no way related to what my team can provide. When I would ask who told them to call me the answer was always the same person. She’s a Major down in Kuwait that can’t seem to figure out what we do. Even though she gets my regular SITREPs and other e-mails my team is still is a mystery for her. I hate to turn people away. By the same token, they shouldn’t have been told to call me. I always do what should have been done in the first place – I direct them to the people that can help them with their question, request, or whatever they’re looking for.

It’s been slightly cooler here as well. That’s welcome relief. These temperatures won’t last. We’re still in for broiler heat. It will probably start tomorrow. I wouldn’t say it’s cool enough to run outside though. That means I’m still hitting the treadmills. I haven’t run into the effeminate poser again. That’s probably a good thing. Actually, I’m noticing lots of new faces on LSAA these days. It may be because we’ve been out on missions so much I didn’t have time to get around. We definitely have some time on our hands right now. I guess I’ll be familiar with all the faces again by the time I’m back out on multiple missions. Next time we leave it will be for awhile.

That’s about all I have to say on this Friday. It was boring, slow, and at times agitating. It’s another day down though. That’s one day closer to going home.

09 August 2007: "Lap-Dog Syndrome"

First things first – In yesterday’s entry I never said anything about going on another deployment! I’m amazed at the immediate reaction I’ve been getting from people regarding my comments about seeking a battalion command. If I don’t mention it then please don’t assume! I was only letting everyone know what I did to occupy a good portion of my day. Lieutenant Colonels command battalions. I’ll be looking for another job when this deployment is over. Battalion command is a natural fit (and desire) for my career progression. The only way I can get a command is to be selected by a board. If I didn’t submit a packet for the board to review I’d never get a command. Chill out everyone!

Ok, I got that off my chest. The major event for today was water volleyball. We’ve been so busy that we’ve been missing this regular Thursday event. Every Thursday we meet at 1130 for a few games. I’m amazed at how many Joes are at the pool this time of day. The place was packed. It gave me chance to observe another form of pathetic behavior. I call it the “lap-dog syndrome.” Basically, it’s when a Joe surrenders every aspect of manhood to be at a woman’s beck and call. He’s willing to do this simply to have the woman remain in his presence. Today the pool was paid a visit by “Miss KBR”. She had “lap-dog” tagging along. I’ll explain.

“Miss KBR” is the moniker I give to a very attractive KBR employee who works here. Most everyone who’s been here awhile knows of her. She is a unique specimen around here. “Miss KBR” frequents the gym and has quite the physique. I speculate there’s been some breast enhancement as well. When she walks by she turns many a Joe head. When she’s at the pool in a bikini the head spinning is increased by a factor of twenty. I’ve never met her but this isn’t a big place – I’ve seen her around many times. I’ll admit that she is a very pretty woman. Now that you have the background I’ll tell you about the “lap-dog”.

If you recall, months ago I told you the tale of “Alpha Male Prick.” “Lap-dog” isn’t AMP. When “Miss KBR” arrived at the pool she had a Joe following her, carrying her stuff, fetching her water, rubbing sunscreen on her back, jumping up every time she moved, and generally reacting to every move she made. The guy was seemingly burly and in any other setting may have been considered the rough and tumble type. However, in the presence of “Miss KBR” he was pathetic. He was never more than two steps behind her. If she sat up he did the same. If she went to the latrine he followed and waited. If she needed water he immediately sprang into action. If she went in the water he did likewise. If she’d have thrown a stick he would have fetched it. If another guy talked to her he stood by in a rather meek fashion. He was there for her amusement. Just the mere fact that they were at the pool together made him constantly roll over and wet himself. They were definitely not a couple. He certainly would have liked that. Just like a dog, he was simply ecstatic that she would be seen at the pool with him. His manhood was nowhere in sight. He had surrendered it completely.

Funny thing is that later in the day I was at the gym and saw “Miss KBR”. The lap-dog was history. He’d had his moment in the sun and was now on the discard pile until needed again. I couldn’t help but be amused at watching all the Joes in the gym circle the woman like sharks. As I was leaving I crossed path with “Miss KBR”. She smiled and said hi. I said hello in return and cruised on to the Admiral. All the way back to the hooch I chuckled thinking of the spectacle we all witnessed earlier at the pool. Poor Joe… Just like the lap-dog he just wanted some attention – even if it meant surrendering his manhood in front of his peers.

I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. At least that’s what he must’ve been thinking.

08 August 2007: Luxury of No Impending Missions

Right now I’m basking in the luxury of no impending missions. I didn’t realize how much I needed a few days of rest. We’ve been traveling almost continually since the end of June. All the late nights waiting on flights were taking a toll. It didn’t help that we were at places like FOB Warhorse. I really can’t complain though – I’ve got a great job and I’m having a super deployment. It is a nice feeling to be idle for a few days. This doesn’t mean we aren’t working – to the contrary. Our work has shifted back to the office setting. I’m in the midst of planning upcoming missions. In the meantime, we have people traveling to see us for assistance with their redeployment software and other issues. There’s a continual two-way flow of information between us and the brigades we support. Iraq isn’t a big place at all when you travel around. It’s pretty cool to know so many people all over the country. I definitely have a better perspective than I’ve had on any previous deployment.

I really didn’t have much to report for today. Basically, I was cooped up in the office most of the morning working on a “command assignment board packet.” I’m trying to get selected for a battalion command when this deployment is over. I finished the packet and submitted it electronically. Hopefully it will bear fruit.

By the end of the day I was pretty mellow. After a run I ate chow and made a run to the PX. Although the PX is right next to Green Beans I decided not to stop in at the Wednesday night karaoke. Most of my friends have redeployed so I don’t really know anyone there. Besides, I didn’t feel like singing. I went back to my hooch and continued reading my book. I’m reading “In the Heart of the Sea” by Nathaniel Philbrick, which is the true account of the whaleship Essex. I’ve become fascinated with this account. The book is excellent. It is quite a tragedy. The most amazing part is that it all really happened. When the deployment is over I’ll have to visit Nantucket. The graves of some of the crew are there. The ship sailed from Nantucket. It became immortalized as the ship that was “stove by a whale.” I’d say the story would make an excellent movie. However, I’d expect Hollywood to embellish the story to the point that it would be stupid. It’s the kind of story that can only be told as an exact account. I’d hate for it to be ruined in the manner of Pearl Harbor or Titanic. Those two movies are embarrassments to the tragic events they supposedly pay homage to. Anyway, I digress…

LSA Anaconda is still carrying on at a steady drumbeat.

07 August 2007: Barry who? 756 what?

My team was supposed to travel to FOB Kalsu this week. However, this is one time where the poor travel prospects will put a mission on hold. After being told that we had less than a 10% chance of traveling I told the team to stand down. None of us were excited at the prospect of loitering in pax terminals for 72 hours or more just to teach five hours of classes. I discussed our options with the unit we were to support and we came up with some alternative courses of action. As a result, everyone is happy. The bottom line is that we won’t be traveling to Kalsu after all.

It seems a lot cooler the past couple of days. A quick look at the thermometer reveals that we’re still cracking 110. However, it’s roughly 5-10 degrees cooler than it was just a week ago. At night it’s almost pleasant. It’s amazing how much more tolerant we are to a slight change in temperature. Were we any other place we’d be complaining loudly about how hot it is. Instead, we’re happy for a “break” in the temperatures. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective.

Late-breaking news from the sports front – Barry Bonds hits number 756. What was the reaction here? Nobody really seems to care. The basic reaction from my team has been the shoulder shrug and “so what?” look. Personally, I really don’t give a rat’s ass. I still believe Hank Aaron to be the best all-round player ever. “Hammerin’ Hank” did it without any air of suspicion or cloud of uncertainty about performance enhancement. He was also very beloved by baseball fans of all ages.

I’ll put it this way – if Barry Bonds came to LSAA to sign autographs (it would never happen) I would avoid him completely. If Hank Aaron came for a visit I’d go out of my way to find him. I think that pretty much says it all.

06 August 2007: I'm now the elder statesman

The big news is that I’m now the elder statesman of my team. I guess it’s only fitting, given that I’m also the officer-in-charge. When I arrived there was one NCO who had extended. He left a few weeks ago. There was another NCO who had been here prior and volunteered to return. In addition, a Chief Warrant Officer extended for another six months here. The two latter soldiers are leaving to redeploy home. That leaves me as the most tenured team member. To say goodbye to both of them we held a “Hail and Farewell” ceremony. I thanked them both for their time and efforts and presented them with Army Commendation Medals. We also presented both of them with embroidered guidons. It was a good ceremony.

Right now the focus is getting ready for upcoming missions. There are lots of moving pieces involved with that. The biggest reason is that I have to send team members in different directions for separate missions. Pretty soon we won’t have anyone at LSAA because we’ll all be on various missions. While it may seem “organized chaos”, there really is a sense of order. I have a plan. Everyone on the team knows the plan and they’re comfortable with their respective roles.

I guess the highlight of my day was getting my new running shoes in the mail. My old shoes were completely trashed. I pulled the new shoes out of the box and had them on my feet within the hour. Thirty minutes and five miles later I was happy. The new shoes rock! I’ll remain a New Balance man. Their shoes haven’t let me down in several years. Let that be my endorsement.

05 August 2007: Sleep, Food, E-mail, and Calling Home

Having returned in the wee hours of the morning my only thoughts were with sleeping in. That’s exactly what I did. Around 1000 I dragged myself out of bed and made coffee. I was moving at a pace much, much slower than combat speed. There was no hurry today. Likewise, there was no place I needed to be. I relished that fact. I’ll be plenty busy later this week. My priorities for today were sleep, food, e-mail, and calling home. I can proudly say that I accomplished all of them.

I was so focused on the nothingness of my day off that I didn’t even go to the gym. Now that is the sign of me truly taking the day off.

Yeah, I know… this is probably the most boring entry I’ve made. I can’t always thrill my readers with tales of adventure. Even the greatest of explorers, inventors, generals, and artists took a day off occasionally. Today was my turn

04 August 2007: "That's why we do what we do."

The first thing that greeted all of us when we walked outside this morning was the dreary return of another sand storm. It was bad. I couldn’t see more than about 200 meters in any direction. My immediate reaction was, “I guess we’ll be in Taji another day!” Our prospects for flying back to Balad didn’t look good. Regardless, we came to train and that was our priority. We’d get back home eventually.

The next challenge was the water tank feeding our plumbing went dry in the middle of everyone’s morning routine. It didn’t affect me, as I had just finished shaving when it happened. However it was almost catastrophic on the two female officers. This made for a humorous moment. The latrines were situated next to one another and we could hear the conversation on the female side. One of them (I believe the XO) was in the shower when the water ran out. She had just put conditioner in her hair. The other officer (first lieutenant on her first mission with us) had to run grab a few bottled waters so the XO could rinse off. Although I can’t remember the conversation word-for-word, it was definitely a slapstick series of events.

Having survived the water catastrophe, my team marched on. After breakfast I met with the mobility warrant of the brigade we were training. He addressed some issues he was having with his computer system. I immediately got my soldiers working on the problem. It turned out that the bad weather was to our advantage. The training was originally supposed to take place the day before. A lot of the soldiers we were training were pilots and had specifically arranged their schedules to be present. Since the training was pushed back a day they weren’t going to be available and would miss the classes. However, since the weather sucked they couldn’t fly. That meant despite the delay everyone would be present. Our classes were to start at 1300.

Everything from that point went smoothly. We had a huge turnout for our classes. I was pleased at how proactive the brigade is in getting ready for their eventual redeployment. It will make my team’s job much easier. They asked a lot of questions. Almost everyone requested a copy of our training materials when the classes ended. From an internal perspective, the event went well for my team. The lieutenant asked if she could teach on our next mission. I told her absolutely. We had another newer soldier who also taught for the first time. He had some rough edges but did well. I’m extremely pleased with the eagerness of my entire team to be involved. On a side note – I noticed that the XO played soduko the entire time we were giving classes.

Good news was there to greet us as we left the conference room. The skies had cleared and helicopters were flying again. We’d fly back to Balad after all. I told my team to stay close at hand until time to return to the pax terminal. While at supper I ran into one of my old cadets (now a Captain). He’s the first one I’ve encountered this entire time. He told me of several others in country and where they were based. I’m sure I’ll run into some of them. After supper I returned to the billets to find most of my team watching TV in the dayroom. I joined them and we proceeded to watch some fat guy from Arkansas win $400 on “Deal or No Deal.” While watching the news I learned of an online interview O.J. Simpson had done where he took questions from callers. We all laughed heartily when we heard that one caller had asked, “O.J. which do you consider your bigger accomplishment, rushing for 2000 yards in one season or slicing two necks in one night?” I guess that’s what he gets for being so arrogant. Unfortunately, the news didn’t stick with the story long enough to let us hear his response to the question. It was funny though.

At about 2300 we returned to the pax terminal. It’s not really a terminal, but rather a couple of gazebos surrounded by jersey barriers. From our seats we could see the flight line. It was extremely busy. Every twenty minutes or so, a UAV would fly overhead on its way to land. Nearby I noticed a lot of soldiers gearing up. It turned out to be a platoon of soldiers about to leave on a night air-assault mission. We watched them in silence as they filed out to three Blackhawks. Shortly afterward two Apache attack helicopters took off and flew by. All three Blackhawks took off as one and followed the Apaches. They arced across the sky. Each helicopter silhouetted itself against the moon before going to blackout and disappearing into the night sky. Long afterward we were still staring in silence. I said a prayer for those soldiers. Then I turned to my team and said, “That’s why we do what we do. When all’s said and done there’s nobody that’s earned the right to go home more than soldiers like that.” About twenty minutes later the Blackhawks returned empty. They’d deposited the soldiers somewhere outside the wire.

Our ride arrived shortly after that. We loaded up and returned to Balad. It was close. Another sandstorm had kicked up north of Taji and our flight was almost cancelled. Fortunately, we made it back. It was a “quick-strike” mission. We were there and back in 24 hours.

03 August 2007: On to Camp Taji

Once again I find myself still in Balad when we’re supposed to be starting a new mission. Flying is so unpredictable here. If there are no sandstorms everything runs like clockwork. The problem is accurately predicting when they’ll hit. A funny aspect of this is that in our morning briefings the operations officer includes the three-day weather pattern in his update. The other day he said, “The good news about August is that the sandstorms should diminish.” That must be later in the month.

Rather than stress about the situation I got on with business left incomplete. I also made certain to get my team arranged on another flight for tonight. Thanks to my many connections I was able to save us the “space-A” route. Instead, I got us manifested on the R&R return flight CH47’s going to Camp Taji. Our show time was 2000. Once I had that arrangement secured I told everyone to take care of personal business until time to meet at Catfish.

Truth is, it was ok that we didn’t fly the night before. I slept in. These late nights on mission were starting to mess with me. It was going to be another one. After we checked in we found out that the helicopters were being held for maintenance. Our flight to Taji would be delayed at least an hour. This proved to be two hours or more. It wasn’t until almost midnight that we finally crammed into the Chinooks. There were a lot of soldiers returning from leave. Many of them still had the tags on their body armor from when they stored them in Kuwait on their way home. Most of them had that “returning from R&R long face.” The flight gave them a few more minutes to reflect on their respective R&R’s. I hope everyone had a blast.

Arriving at Camp Taji proved to be an easy affair. I called the unit we were supporting. They promptly sent a soldier with a pick-up truck. He ferried us to our billets, which proved to be only about 100 meters from the pax terminal. I had him give me a quick tour of the facilities we’d be utilizing the next morning. Then I hit the fart sack. Our billets weren’t bad. All of us were housed inside a dorm-like building that had internal plumbing (a big deal for certain). I didn’t hear a peep out of anyone all night.

02 August 2007: XO bails out on us

Although I’m back in LSAA, it’s only temporary. At least it was meant to be just temporary. I had less than 24 hours before it was time for another flight. The best course of action for the time I had was to catch up on sleep and office work. The latter took much longer than I intended. I had a 1930 show time for the next flight. That put me in a race against time. All the while I was reading e-mail, replying to e-mail, and completing paperwork from the latest mission to Warhorse. I barely made it out of the office in time to workout. It all came together though. By 1930 I was walking into Catfish Air.

When I walked in I noticed that all of my team designated for this mission was present. We had two additional personnel flying – the First Sergeant of our parent unit in Kuwait and the new XO of our unit in Balad. The new XO was all excited about going with us. She was all smiles and happy. It didn’t last long. She soon found out the reality of flying in Iraq. Shortly after I arrived we loaded the bus that was to take us to the helicopters. It was no surprise to most of us when we learned we were on weather hold. They drove us back to the terminal to wait. We had been so tantalizingly close to flying. Now we were just sprawled out all over the floor of the pax terminal. Flight after flight ahead of ours cancelled. Hour after hour went by. Our flight remained on weather hold. As long as there was a possibility of flying we had to wait. This is old hat to my team. It proved hard for the XO to deal with. Her enthusiasm quickly waned. By midnight she was asleep on the floor and looked as though she had aged ten years. The rest of us walked to “midnight chow” at the DFAC.

Around 0200 I had moved closer to the TV and was watching “The Dead Zone” (the early 80’s movie, not the series). The XO came and sat down next to me and said, “ummm, the lady in the back said the latest update is weather hold.” “I know,” I replied. “Well, it looks like we’re not going to fly,” she mumbled. I looked at her and said, “we probably won’t. However, we can’t leave until we know for certain.” Then she asked me if I had my truck with me. When I replied yes she asked if I’d give a ride back to her hooch. I said I would, not realizing that she meant right then. I went back to watching the movie. A short time later she came back with all her gear and a hurt look. She said, “Sir, I’m going to take the bus that’s outside.” I looked back incredulously and said, “you’re leaving?” I already knew the answer. She bailed on us! I thought to myself, “welcome to my world.” My team deals with waiting on flights practically every mission.

At 0300 the inevitable happened. Our flight cancelled. I woke up my team and we loaded up and went back to the hooch. We’ll do it all over again within 24 hours. Only this time we’ll be fighting the “space-A” battle. Manifests of cancelled flights don’t roll over to the next available flight. You see why I can’t get stressed about flights around here? Shit happens.

01 August 2007: Praying for Space-A

The good news is that it’s a whole new month. The bad news is that I’m ringing it in at FOB Warhorse. This wasn’t intended. However, it’s not something I could affect. Having seen the 25 meters of FOB Warhorse National Forest already, there wasn’t much else for me to do. I had instructed my team members to lay low, get some rest, and meet me for lunch. I slept until around 0900. After some time for personal hygiene I sweltered my way over to Green Beans. Since it was nice and air conditioned, I drank my coffee there. There was a constant flow of people. Green Beans is obviously the most popular venue at Warhorse. Most of the people were Army. However, there were also Air Force, civilian, and a couple of coalition. Having traveled as much as I do I’ve started to run into people I’ve met previously on almost every FOB. While enjoying my coffee I ran into the public affairs Captain from COB Speicher. We chatted for a few minutes. My main question to her was why I hadn’t seen the article her office did on my team back in April. She shrugged it off. I guess I won’t see it any time soon. (her public affairs attachment had covered a mission my team conducted in Kirkuk at FOB Warrior)

After coffee I cruised to the internet café. I couldn’t believe how empty it was. That was good because it allowed me to catch up on e-mail, situation reports (SITREPs), and the blog entries. I finished in perfect timing for lunch. My team was waiting on me at the entrance to the DFAC. Once inside we chatted for a few minutes about our chances of getting back to Balad. Our only hope for today was space-available. There were no guarantees. I advised the team to be mentally prepared for the worse – staying until 3 August. That was the back-up plan. I had reserved us a flight for that night since it was the next available flight we could guarantee. We made a plan for when to meet later in the evening and went our separate ways.

The afternoon didn’t hold anything of interest. This is such a dreary FOB that taking a nap is always a good idea if you have the time. That’s exactly what I did. Afterward I went to the gym. On the way I stopped at the PX and Iraqi market. The PX was packed, yet, sparsely stocked. The Iraqi market was nothing but pirated DVDs. Nothing held my interest so I cruised on to the gym. My workout consisted of a 5-mile run on the treadmill. This was a real struggle because the gym AC doesn’t work. When I finished I was spent and drenched as though I’d been thrown in the pool. I hurried on back to the hooch, took a shower, and guzzled water. I couldn’t imagine 365 days at FOB Warhorse.

Around 2230 our ride took us back to the pax terminal. The place was packed – very discouraging. However, the SGT in charge immediately saw me and promised he’d do everything he could to see us off. We then sprawled out on the gravel along a set of hesco barriers and watched the riff-raff around us. The big cannons started firing again so we were treated to successive flash-bangs. It added interest to the night. There was an Army officer there with a whole group of soldiers and Iraqis. I started watching him and chuckling at his every move. He was “Cliché Army Guy”. He’d say things like, “Alright everyone, get ready to move! The birds are inbound! Be ready in five mikes!” He had a deep baritone voice and said “roger” a lot. Even my Coast Guard personnel made a comment about how he seemed like a character from an old war movie. The goofiest part was when his helicopters did touch down he jumped up and started using weird hand and arm signals to get his people lined up. I just laughed.

About 0150 a couple of Chinooks arrived. They were headed to Balad and were at Warhorse to drop off cargo. The SGT went out and talked to the crew chief on our behalf. Once they dropped cargo they were empty so they were glad to give us a ride. We geared up and walked out to the awaiting Chinook. As the aircraft took off and headed north we could see the flash of the big guns back at Warhorse. In the distance we could see the impact of their shells. There was obviously a major battle going on further south. My team and I were much relieved to be leaving Warhorse. By 0245 I was back in my hooch, dropping clothes and gear, brushing my teeth, and collapsing in bed. Hey, it’s a whole new month!

31 July 2007: Stuck Again!

There are some major offensive operations being conducted in the vicinity of Warhorse. The FOB has several firing points where big 155mm Paladin howitzers stand ready to send steel downrange. During the night I was rocked from my sleep by the bark of their cannons. Around 0300 my CHU door flew open - startling me completely - to reveal another Army LTC entering. He announced, "Hey! I'm your new roommate!" He then banged around the place for at least forty minutes getting situated. It was a restless night. Around 0615 I couldn't take it anymore. I arose, shaved, dressed and went to breakfast. We had training scheduled for 0800. I stopped by to observe the SGT I had placed in charge of this phase of our training. He was doing an excellent job. After supervising for over an hour I left him in charge and cruised on to Green Beans. The formal training classes we were there to teach weren't scheduled until the afternoon.

Green Beans coffee gave me the urge to stop by the latrine. I was glad I did. There was graffiti. It wasn't much. However, there was enough to remind me of Joes' fascination with all things Chuck Norris. I've learned a lot of incredible facts about the guy from Joe. Thanks to a trip to a latrine I've also learned that "Chuck Norris can lick the Sun!" That is amazing. Thanks anonymous Joe for sharing that fact.

Our training went without a hitch. We had a packed house - a lot more than we had planned for. Unit Movement Officers get very excited about their eventual redeployments. If you add to that the extremely spartan experience of FOB Warhorse it compounds the desire to get out of here. After providing the formal training and fielding questions we headed back out to inspect a couple of containers owned by a tank unit. After we were done they gladly gave us a tour of one of their M1A2 Main Battle Tanks. I'm a former tanker so I thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity. What was more amazing was the joking nature of the two lieutenants giving us the tour. Apparently, they had both gone through the experience of having tanks under their command disabled or destroyed by IEDs. They continually ribbed each other about which one had the most tanks blown up around them. It was also a testament to the crew protection given by the armor of the tanks. Neither of the lieutenants had been injured (although knocked out a couple of times) or had any crew injured. They were as happy go lucky as could be. They were definitely happy to be tankers and not infantry. The Strikers and Bradleys are not nearly as durable as the tanks.

As night fell we were happy because we were scheduled to leave. WRONG! When we arrived at the airfield we found out that we weren't manifested. We'd been told otherwise earlier. The flight we thought we were on was still due to arrive so we waited to see if we could fly space available. That was a no-go. In the end we found ourselves in the exact position we'd been in the last time we came to Warhorse - stuck. Dejectedly, we rode back to our hooches and settled back in. Maybe we'll be able to fly out tomorrow. Just as I got comfortable back in the hooch the big guns started barking again. Yep, looked like another restless night in Warhorse. That's just the way it goes around here. I've come to expect this. That way I'm never disappointed.

30 July 2007: Back to the Moon

I never said previously that I'd seen the last of FOB Warhorse. Today saw my return. It was less than triumphant. That's not a bad thing - it was just sans fanfare. I returned with three members of my team to conduct another training mission. We had a 1200 show time at Catfish Air. The helicopters were right on time and we zoomed on down to Baqubah. It's only a ten minute flight. Upon our arrival we were greated by the warrant officer from the supporting unit. She's Korean and doesn't speak English very well. This would prove challenging to us as we tried to conduct our mission. She was expecting us to do a lot more than we came for and it was difficult to explain otherwise.

Once we got in our billets (I was staying in a CHU very close to where I had stayed before) we moved out to start inspecting containers for seaworthiness. These inspections are not our primary mission but we do them as a courtesy when time permits. That pitted us against the searing sun and heat. Fortunately there weren't many to inspect and we were done in a couple of hours. That gave us the rest of the day off. I sent my guys on their way. We coordinated with the warrant officer what time we'd begin our training the next morning.

I did notice a very funny thing. Some Joes had erected signs that announced entering and leaving the Warhorse "National Forest". It was a barren strip of gnarled trees that went for maybe 25 meters. It was just one row and very barren. As you walked one way you came upon the "entering" sign. 25 meters later you passed the "leaving" sign. It is simply hilarious. I always love the sense of humor that Joe takes everywhere. The "national forest" was so small that I could take a photo of the whole thing from a distance of 10 meters. I can now say I've been through the FOB Warhorse National Forest.

I'm still at Warhorse - unfortunately - so I'm hurrying along in this entry. I can tell that once I get back to LSAA I'll have to do a "reflections" entry on this mission. This is one crazy place. It's still the moon too. The dust is just as I remember.