09 August 2007: "Lap-Dog Syndrome"

First things first – In yesterday’s entry I never said anything about going on another deployment! I’m amazed at the immediate reaction I’ve been getting from people regarding my comments about seeking a battalion command. If I don’t mention it then please don’t assume! I was only letting everyone know what I did to occupy a good portion of my day. Lieutenant Colonels command battalions. I’ll be looking for another job when this deployment is over. Battalion command is a natural fit (and desire) for my career progression. The only way I can get a command is to be selected by a board. If I didn’t submit a packet for the board to review I’d never get a command. Chill out everyone!

Ok, I got that off my chest. The major event for today was water volleyball. We’ve been so busy that we’ve been missing this regular Thursday event. Every Thursday we meet at 1130 for a few games. I’m amazed at how many Joes are at the pool this time of day. The place was packed. It gave me chance to observe another form of pathetic behavior. I call it the “lap-dog syndrome.” Basically, it’s when a Joe surrenders every aspect of manhood to be at a woman’s beck and call. He’s willing to do this simply to have the woman remain in his presence. Today the pool was paid a visit by “Miss KBR”. She had “lap-dog” tagging along. I’ll explain.

“Miss KBR” is the moniker I give to a very attractive KBR employee who works here. Most everyone who’s been here awhile knows of her. She is a unique specimen around here. “Miss KBR” frequents the gym and has quite the physique. I speculate there’s been some breast enhancement as well. When she walks by she turns many a Joe head. When she’s at the pool in a bikini the head spinning is increased by a factor of twenty. I’ve never met her but this isn’t a big place – I’ve seen her around many times. I’ll admit that she is a very pretty woman. Now that you have the background I’ll tell you about the “lap-dog”.

If you recall, months ago I told you the tale of “Alpha Male Prick.” “Lap-dog” isn’t AMP. When “Miss KBR” arrived at the pool she had a Joe following her, carrying her stuff, fetching her water, rubbing sunscreen on her back, jumping up every time she moved, and generally reacting to every move she made. The guy was seemingly burly and in any other setting may have been considered the rough and tumble type. However, in the presence of “Miss KBR” he was pathetic. He was never more than two steps behind her. If she sat up he did the same. If she went to the latrine he followed and waited. If she needed water he immediately sprang into action. If she went in the water he did likewise. If she’d have thrown a stick he would have fetched it. If another guy talked to her he stood by in a rather meek fashion. He was there for her amusement. Just the mere fact that they were at the pool together made him constantly roll over and wet himself. They were definitely not a couple. He certainly would have liked that. Just like a dog, he was simply ecstatic that she would be seen at the pool with him. His manhood was nowhere in sight. He had surrendered it completely.

Funny thing is that later in the day I was at the gym and saw “Miss KBR”. The lap-dog was history. He’d had his moment in the sun and was now on the discard pile until needed again. I couldn’t help but be amused at watching all the Joes in the gym circle the woman like sharks. As I was leaving I crossed path with “Miss KBR”. She smiled and said hi. I said hello in return and cruised on to the Admiral. All the way back to the hooch I chuckled thinking of the spectacle we all witnessed earlier at the pool. Poor Joe… Just like the lap-dog he just wanted some attention – even if it meant surrendering his manhood in front of his peers.

I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. At least that’s what he must’ve been thinking.