A few hours later I finally stirred. After securing some coffee from the "Java Hut" (no Grean Beans here) I started walking around to see what sites FOB Marez offered. Right away I noticed an authentic 7/11 sign. I had to see for myself. My mouth began watering for a Slurpee. Disappointment followed. It was a faux-7/11 run by a local national. I should've known - the hours of operation were posted as 0900-2200 (making it a 9/10 store). There was no Slurpee machine. Inside were a bunch of pirated DVDs, trinkets, smokes, and a cooler with sodas. By the way, pirated DVDs are a booming business here. First run movies are available within 24 hours of a stateside opening for about $3 a pop. The quality of the DVD is suspect but Joes flock to the bazaar (incorrectly nicknamed "Haji-marts") to buy movies. Well in FOB Marez you can find a wide selection at the 7/11.
Adjacent to the 7/11 were other shops. There was another shop ("Marez Mart") run by a very friendly local gentleman. There you could find more pirated movies. I bought a bottle of guava juice while there. Then I walked into another store that looked like a Cracker Barrel on the outside. It was Turkish-run. Inside a soldier could find leather goods, jewelry, hair salon, and even a tailor who made business suits. Down the street was the barber shop and another leather store named "Elvis Leather Shop". I guess you could buy Elvis-inspired leather jackets there. It is really amazing how much free enterprise a person can find on a FOB.
After checking out the shops I headed over to the orderly room of the unit we had inspected. I needed to find out our flight information for returning to LSAA. As I walked in I met the commander - a female Captain - who had been absent while we were conducting our inspections. She thanked me for coming and introduced me to a civilian named Brad. He was a security specialist. I think he was there to hit on the Captain. Brad and I walked out together and he asked me if I needed a ride anywhere. I didn't but he offered to show me around. I took him up on the offer and climbed into his heavily armored Chevy Suburban. We drove to the site of an old Christian mission. I don't know how old the place was but it was just a ruin now. Across the street from the mission was a junk park of old Iraqi army tanks and artillery. I acted the tourist and took photos of both the mission and the junk. Then Brad dropped me off at the MWR, where I checked e-mail.
Remember the coffee I purchased earlier? Well it hit me and with a vengeance. I quickly headed to a containerized latrine. Boy was I happy I did! Sure, I was able to find relief but also found a choice spot for determining the pulse of Marez. There was some terrific graffitti. So long as you know what's on Joe's mind you can never fail as a leader. The toilet stall walls are where Joe takes time to reflect. What's Joe got on his mind in FOB Marez? Here's some of the thoughts and concerns. All of these quotes are exactly as documented(including spelling) by Joe.
I discovered a new breed of Joe. I'll call him effeminate Joe - as in he's in touch with the woman inside. Here's what he had to say. "Listen fellas heres the thing not every woman wants to sleep with you. She prolly dont even think about gettin down with anybody so stop treating the women in the military like whores! Cause the next Generation could be your daughter so stop the trend now!"
Then I noticed there was an intraspective Joe who wanted to share commentary on the bigger picture. He offered a couple of quotes.
"We the willing led by the unknowing Do the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little we are now qualified to do anything with nothing"
"Thoes who fight for it have a taste for freedom Thoes defended will never know"
It seems there are a few Joes at Marez unhappy with their chain-of-command. Here's what they had to say.
"16 SIG BN - No Discipline, Crap Commo, Bad Retention"
"29th SIG BN - No mission, Crap Leadership, Bad Spelling"
And my personal favorite - "BEND OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A 29TH 16TH SOLDIER!" That drew a simple, yet poignant response - "That's wrong"
Fatalistic Joe made an appearance too. He said, "fuck all you cry baby Bitches you signed up for this"
Finally there was an optimistic Joe who had taken in his surroundings and summed them up with two simple words - "ghetto fabulous"
Joes at FOB Marez must hold their time as precious because the normal latrine-graffitti conversations were non-existent. However there was fresh paint in some of the stalls which indicated some choice Joe thoughts had been expunged from the record.
I didn't forget Cinco de Mayo. Indeed there was a party. It was held later at the MWR. The inside was festooned with Mexican flags, streamers, party favors, and plenty of songs that had the repetitive "Ay Ya Ya Ya's!" They were serving Becks alcohol-free beer and Doritos. It was almost out of hand. Then the main event brought the house down. Soldiers got to take turns hitting the Osama and Saddam pinatas. This may have been the greatest Cinco de Mayo party of all time. I'd recommend the FOB Marez MWR Cinco de Mayo fiesta to all of my friends. Did I mention that they were handing out sombreros? If you weren't sold before I'll bet you are now. It was "ghetto fabulous"!
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