Sunday, May 20, 2007

19 May 2007: What ever happened to "Army of One"?


As long as we aren’t out on mission we can always expect to end work early on Saturdays. Today was no real exception. Our first order of business was “command maintenance”. The Army is very good at keeping equipment in good running order. That’s why even today you’ll find Vietnam-era 2 ½ ton trucks (“deuce and a half”) still running just fine here at LSAA. By that I’m not implying that the Army is struggling with outdated equipment – to the contrary. You can rest assured that tax dollars are stretched a long way on Army equipment. Everyone – regardless of rank – is taught the importance of performing preventive maintenance checks and services (PMCS) on all equipment. Command maintenance is a regularly scheduled event where all personnel bring vehicles to a central location to complete and turn-in maintenance paperwork. It’s also when dispatches for the vehicles are renewed. That’s a mouthful just to say we checked the oil in our Admirals.

Once maintenance was completed I told my team to take off as soon as they finished whatever task they were focused on. I had planned to take off immediately after lunch. Unfortunately my attendance at some afternoon meetings was required. I have to attend a lot of meetings. I let everyone else leave though. In the meantime I discovered that the ever-encroaching cloud of firewalls has now overtaken my blog. While waiting for my meeting to start I attempted to update my Friday entry. LSAA server now blocks my blog. This means I have to make a special trip to the MWR to use their computers. MWR utilizes a different server. So after my meetings I cruised to the MWR, signed up on the list, and took a seat alongside some Joes to await my turn. The server was slow as hell. It took me the entire half-hour limit to log on and post the entry.

As I left the MWR I had to take a piss-break. Thank god I did. Inside the port-o-jon I found the answer to a great mystery. I, along with many of my comrades, had been wondering what happened to the “Army of One” slogan. It disappeared almost as soon as it began – replaced by “Army Strong”. I should have known that I only needed to ask Joe. I guess a lot of people had been asking about the defunct slogan. Joe, being tired of getting asked repeatedly, decided to post the answer inside the portable shitter for all to see. Thank you Joe! The mystery is now solved. Your logic on this matter is irrefutable. I will now reveal to all of you Joe’s answer to the question “what ever happened to Army of One?” (Joe’s exact quote, no translation required)

“We are an Army Strong only because Chuck Norris is the only autherised ‘Army of One’”

Someone ungrateful of Joe had posted a subsequent comment immediately below the pearl of wisdom. It read as follows:

“Why is it that everywhere I go, there are people who don’t know how to spell who insist on writing on the port a potty walls?”

What’s my answer to this? Nobody said you have to know how to spell to have wisdom. Joe’s wisdom ranks with Aristotle, Socrates, and Benjamin Franklin. He always knows the answer. He always provides blunt honesty. Yet again Joe cleared up the fog of war for me. With my bladder emptied I got on with the rest of my day. What happened to “Army of One”? Chuck Norris – duh! It’s yet another V8 moment. Thanks Joe!

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