30 April 2007: Gettin' Jiggy at the DFAC

Did the headline grab you today? Pull you into my world for a moment? Are you now waiting for me to tell stories of my funky, dancing exploits at the DFAC? Well that's not exactly what I was referring to but it's still a tale of humor. It's actually something that happens almost every day. I just happened to notice this time. Before I get to the headliner let me talk about the rest of the day.

First order of business was to take my colleagues from Kuwait back to the pax terminal. They had a 1000 flight, which required them to manifest at 0730. I stayed with them until around 0845 to make sure there was no deviation in the flight. Once I knew for certain they would fly on time I rushed to breakfast. Then I embarked on a routine day at the office. I'll be headed to Mosul soon for another mission. Until then it's simply routine in LSAA. By the time I finished my late afternoon workout I was numb from daydreaming. It was in this dream state that I went to supper. Everyone has had the feeling before - your mind is somewhere else, you look at things but stare through them, you hear things but don't necessarily comprehend. As I walked into the DFAC I was met with the same crappy music the TCNs are always playing. tonight it must've been best of Will Smith because the first line I here is "welcome to Miami." The main line offered a less than desirable selection so I headed to the short order. There was a long line so I stood with my tray, staring in a daze, waiting to get through the line. For whatever reason I started to notice what I was previously looking through. One of the TCN servers in the main line (which had no customers) was dancing. His gyrations snapped me back to the present. All at once Will Smith was "gettin' jiggy wit it" and I became aware that the TCN was very serious about his dance moves. He was going through an entire series of choreographed dance steps, hand gestures, and body movements. To see this guy with his sanitary gloves, DFAC cap, waiting to serve Joes, just dancing away was simply hilarious. I bust out in a grin - mesmerized. Nobody else even seemed to notice that the Philipino John Travolta was blistering the floor waiting to sling hash. Perhaps a day is only as routine as you make it. Seeing how no one else really cared it occurred to me that every day is different here. It's when you get numb to your surroundings that it seems like every day is the same. Dancing TCN made my day. He snapped me out of my funk, put a smile on my face, and brought me back to the present. After sitting down I started laughing. TCN's dancing made me think back to the old West Point days,my roommate Steve listening to Madonna and dancing in front of the mirror. He was from Brooklyn so dancing was natural to him of course.

Today is my mother's birthday. Happy Birthday Mom! Don't worry folks, I didn't forget to call.

29 April 2007: LSAA NFL Draft Central

Go ahead and write this down everyone - Patriots will win the next Super Bowl. Get used to hearing "Brady to Moss - touchdown Patriots!" There's only one team in the NFL that could pull off a trade like Randy Moss for a 4th round pick. Randy Moss, recently timed at 4.29, even took a pay cut on a restructured contract to play for the Patriots. I don't care what anyone says about Moss's work ethic, lack of production in Oakland, failure to hustle on every play, and any other character criticisms. Bill Belichick will extract Moss's full potential on every play. Woe to the rest of the league. With all that said my bottom line on this year's NFL Draft is that the Patriots cleaned house. Once again they've shown the league that you can stay elite in the salary cap era. A good team in 2006 is now an awesome team for 2007. Should I remind everyone that Tom Brady still hasn't reached his 30th birthday? There will be some happy times at Ivy Tavern this fall.

Oh wait... this is supposed to be a blog about my deployment. I actually did have to go to my office to make a phone call down to Kuwait.The soldier I mentioned yesterday will stay there for now. There's really not much I can do for him. The rest of my Sunday was spent chillin'. Red Sox beat the Yankees again. NFL Draft provided hours of viewing fun. I took a break for a workout. I splurged at supper by eating two pieces of chocolate cheesecake. I intended to use my time off to take some photos and document more port-o-jon humor. Truth is, I was enjoying a day of nothingness too much to interrupt the fun.

Before I went to bed I found myself daydreaming of a bone-in ribeye at Ruth's Chris. It's sizzling, cooked to a perfect medium rare. I've got a glass of Stag's Leap Merlot 2002 (glass hell, I've got the whole bottle!). I mean I'm drinking from the glass with the bottle standing by. Holy shit the steak is beyond reproach. Every bite is a savory moment of bliss. The merlot is the perfect compliment. I could take hours to finish this meal. If any of you rush off to Ruth's Chris after reading this I demand a referral fee! At least e-mail me and tell me how it was.

Great now I'm starving. The DFAC doesn't open for another hour.

28 April 2007: Sunshine, NFL Draft, and bad news from Kuwait

Ah the sun is back - glorious, bright, and warm. There's no place I've ever been where mud dries as quickly as here. By noon almost all the mud was as hard as concrete. Some of the larger puddles remained, which is a testimony to how much rain came down yesterday. By 1500 it was already starting to get dusty again. Dust doesn't stick to boots though so I'll take it any day.

With the weather improvement I was able to show the soldiers from Kuwait around LSAA. I introduced the officers to all my team members. I also gave a quick briefing on my team's functions, operations, and activities. Everyone seemed happy with the day's accomplishments. We were done by 1400. I dropped our guests back off at their billets and took a much-needed nap. After that it was off to the gym. Is this starting to sound routine? Well it is.

The NFL Draft was televised on AFN. It's actually ESPN but broadcast on one of the AFN channels. Speaking of, the BoSox-Yanks game I spoke of in an earlier entry was the NESN broadcast. NESN on AFN! Talk about awesome! Anyway, I was watching the draft when I decided to walk to the DFAC for supper. When I went to sit down I saw that the nearest TV was on another channel broadcasting CNN. I figured everyone wants to watch the NFL Draft but before I just assumed so and changed the channel I gave everyone the courtesy of asking. Everyone said yes (enthusiastically) except the last person I asked. He was this old and crusty civilian contractor. I said, "would you rather watch this or the NFL Draft?" He replied, "I'm watching this!" Then he said, "that's alright I'm finished, I'll just leave. Do whatever you want." His face had a look of total disgust. I replied in a very polite manner, "Sir, one is a majority here. If you're watching this then continue. I was only asking." The guy jumps to his feet, grabs his tray, and stormed off mumbling incoherently. I figure it must've been his agent orange acting up. Whatever! Everyone was much relieved to watch the draft instead. Anybody curious as to my take on draft winners for day one? Cleveland was the biggest winner - franchise tackle and QB within 22 picks. The Patriots did well again - plenty of picks to bargain on day 2 and picked up an extra #1 for next year. I'd say Arizona is a sleeper here to watch out for. They picked up a damn good tackle to pair with Matt Leinart. They are going to surprise a lot of folks in the NFC. The jury is still out on the Titans (I have to comment on my favorite team - Pats are my second favorite). They addressed needs but I don't know anything about the players they selected. Damn I can't wait for football season!

Overall the day would have been great except for something that happened down in Kuwait. One of my soldiers who had gone there for training was due to fly back. However, he had a "negligent discharge" of his sidearm in the clearing barrel at Ali Al Saleem airport. For the benefit of those who have no idea what I'm talking about I'll explain. All soldiers are supposed to have their weapons in a "green" status while on military FOBs. That means there are no rounds chambered, no magazine in the weapon, and weapon is on safe. To ensure weapons are green, clearing barrels are posted at entrances to FOBs, installations, DFACs, PXs, etc. A soldier will walk up to the clearing barrel (a barrel filled with sand), clear their weapon of magazine and rounds, and then point the weapon into the barrel and pull the trigger. So long as the weapon was properly cleared the hammer clicks forward meaning the weapon is clear. The soldier can now place the weapon on safe and proceed. Well if the clearing procedures are not properly followed a soldier may accidentally chamber a round before pointing the weapon into the clearing barrel. If that happens, resulting in a bullet firing into the barrel, it is considered a "negligent discharge." Automatically it indicates the soldier failed to have his weapon in a green status. A "negligent discharge" is an offense punishable by non-judicial Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ, Article 15). That means the soldier is detained, an investigation is completed, and the commander recommends non-judicial punishment. Punishment can include confinement, forfeiture of pay, or both. Bottom line is that my soldier will be retained in Kuwait pending the investigation and recommendation of punishment. It's unfortunate because he's a good soldier otherwise. My first question was "why did he have a magazine in his weapon?" That's everyone's question. Bonehead moments happen but can always be prevented. Fortunately, nobody was hurt. In the meantime, I'm down one soldier.

27 April 2007: Must be global warming...

Last time I was deployed here I don't remember it raining this late in spring. This morning we all awoke to a big thunderstorm. It wasn't just a passing shower either. I might as well have been down in Baton Rouge to see thunderstorms like this. The rain came down in buckets until around 1500. What a miserable day it was. I've told you all about the mud. I won't describe it again. But I will say that LSA Anaconda was transformed into seas of mud, rivers in the streets, and huge, deep puddles in every parking lot. Just walking from my hooch to my humvee was disastrous. Although you may think it sounds cool to know I drive a humvee, were you in my shoes you'd think otherwise. The roof leaks, it's loud, the steering pulls to the right, and the streets here in LSAA are too narrow. On a day like today it's simply miserable to drive. This is the heaviest rainfall I've ever seen in this country. It must be global warming. Yeah, that's it.

With it raining most of the day the easiest thing for my team to do was to hang out in the office, read e-mail, surf the net, and wait for the weather to change. It was so late in the day when the rain stopped that we were guaranteed mud for the evening. That meant a night of stepping gingerly unless you wanted to have a boot or running shoe caked with quickrete. I did manage to get to the gym without incident. Once inside I saw a sign posted on the bathroom doors that reminded me of something. People here rarely use spell check or proofread prior to printing flyers, reminders, or policy postings. That means it's always something that makes you scratch your head when you read. The sign on the door stated, "Do to shortage of paper towel, please use only one". I reasoned I couldn't use only one because it would be the last towel. So now I'm wondering how many people in the gym hadn't washed their hands after taking a piss (or worse) because they didn't want to use that last paper towel. The sign was very clear. Fortunately, I brought a gym towel.

We had some soldiers flying up from Kuwait in the evening. Once again military flight proved maddening. I went to the pax terminal four times during the evening only to find their arrival time pushed back. They were supposed to be in at 2030 but actually came in at 0200. I drove them over to their temporary billets and got them checked in. Then I was in bed around 0245. I was a little frustrated at the late hour. However I did get a chuckle when two of the guys stepped right in some of the new mud. They found out for themselves. The shit just doesn't come off boots.

26 April 2007: Mark your calender for the Victory Celebration!

That is if you are an insurgent. Unfortunately I am delving back into subject matter that I wish to avoid. Yet it's events back home that are forcing my hand. I'm not drawing party lines here. All I'm doing is writing from the perspective of the men and women in uniform. With that in mind I'll say up front - today the news from home was as demoralizing as news can be. Our House of Representatives has cast a vote of "no confidence" in the troops and thrown in the white towel.

If you aren't up on current events don't fret. I'm not either. However I do stay up on matters that affect me and my fellow soldiers. The time is long past to debate the reasons we're in this war. What needs to be discussed is how to win. Want to know how to lose? The House of Representatives just voted a textbook course of action for losing. I'm sure by the time you read this the Senate will have done likewise. A forced timetable, especially of the type passed by the house, is guaranteeing two things: 1) Proper training of Iraqi Army, Police, Internal Security, etc will not be completed which will leave the country dangerously vulnerable to internal AND external threats; 2) the insurgency will thrive and be emboldened in simply knowing they can mark a date on their calender upon which the very threat to their existence will be gone. In the meantime, men and women in uniform will have to serve out their remaining time in country knowing that their mission is doomed. The message was very loud and clear yesterday. The House said very succinctly, "Insurgents win, we lose, fuck Iraq!" Then, of course, Nancy Pelosi chose to throw in the "our troops and their families deserve better" to make it sound good. Fuck I think I'm going to be sick.

Every insurgent in Iraq should have a picture of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid on their wall in places of honor. Those two are the most powerful friends and allies of their cause. They prove it every day just by opening their mouth. They also have short-term memory loss that greatly affects their actions. For example, back in 2005 Harry Reid spoke on the Senate floor about the dangers of a timeline, citing all the common sense arguments that I just highlighted above. No matter, true colors always come shining through. Unfortunately the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow belongs squarely in the hands of our enemy.

If nothing prevents the House bill from passing we are guaranteed to be back in Iraq again ten years from now. How does that sound everyone?

25 April 2007: Layin' Low

Wednesday in Balad... If anything today was just routine. Having stayed up late the night before I slept in an extra hour. That was nice. After the 0900 plans meeting I spent the morning organizing notes for the AAR (After Action Review) for the recently completed missions. I can't say that much of anything spectacular happened during the course of the day. The weather is incredible - sunny, 80's, cool at night. If it stayed like this year round it would be quite alright with me. Since the team isn't too busy presently I'm letting them have more time off for personal stuff. The agreement is that part of their personal time be spent at the gym. Eventually we'll be tasked to take a fitness test. I'm never worried about that but I do have some soldiers that need some work. At 1700 I attended the daily wrap-up meeting. Then I hit the gym myself.

Army highlight of the day? Probably supper. I ate a t-bone steak, catfish fillets, corn on the cob, green beans, crab salad, and a piece of chocolate cheesecake. Sometimes it's good to just lay low for a day. Today was the epitome of layin' low.

24 April 2007: And the title of Balad Idol goes to....

....someone other than me. Don't be disappointed though. When I arrived at the AF MWR I was informed that I would not be competing. I know I'd been told otherwise a couple of days ago. It was deemed not fair to allow me to compete when I had not participated in round 2. I'm an affable guy so I fully understood. I was asked to be a guest singer for the intermission. I agreed - what the hell? Now the MWR was absolutely packed (mainly AF). In attendance was an AF general officer, two AF wing commanders, and the senior AF Chief Master Sergeant in Iraq (who was a guest judge). Pay attention to the latter because he ended up playing a significant role in ruining the fun for everyone. As for the final? There were six contestants comprised of four AF, one Army, and one civilian. All the contestants who were service members were enlisted. Due to the amount of brass in the room (and mainly due to the senior chief) atmosphere was very cool. Each contestant sang one song followed by judges' comments. Two singers would be selected from the six for a final "sing off" Ok the stage is set, the players are in position....

Competition kicked off without a hitch at 2040. By 2100 the third singer was finishing up. Then the competition was interrupted by a mortar attack. We all laid on the floor until the "all clear" was sounded. Around 2120 competition resumed. Up to this point the singers had performed well. All the judges were funny and engaging except the senior chief. Instead, he had to always use his time on the mike to make duty-conscious comments that would dispirit the fun. He also let it be known that he had one last coin in his pocket - implying it would go to the winner. This was a ridiculous moment in itself and caused many eyes to roll in the WTF manner. In the military, coins are handed out by commanders and sergeants major to other servicemembers in appreciation for a job well done. However, they are meant for on the spot commendation of work-related performances (as opposed to Balad Idol). So everyone in the room found it ridiculous that this guy was saving his coin for the Balad Idol champion. The competition continued....

The last person to sing in round one was the Army Specialist. He was the only person to play an instrument (guitar). He did an outstanding job. He was one of the soldiers from Arkansas I had met on a previous visit to MWR. He had a big contingent there to cheer him on. When he was finished the judges all said their piece. Mr senior chief used his time on the mike to impune the courage of Army soldiers by pointing out that there was only one soldier in the competition. He put the specialist on the spot by asking him why? Now I knew that it was all inter-service jest but the specialist didn't have a response. What does a specialist say to the senior AF NCO in Iraq? Now it was my turn to sing. When I got up on stage I offered a response on behalf of the specialist and the rest of the Army soldiers present. I said, "the reason there aren't more Army participants in this competition is because we actually leave Balad to do our mission!" That drew loud applause from the Army and a lot of laughter from the AF (most of whom readily agreed with that comment). Well senior chief got up and walked away. I brought the house down with my song and the whole place was chanting for an encore. Just when the MC was about to have the DJ cue up another tune the chief came up to the stage and gave him the "cut" sign and said "ten minute break!" So I walked off the stage high-fiving soldiers and airmen alike only to find senior chief waiting on me. He wanted a word with me. So we stepped outside. I had no idea what was up. I was about to find out that, apparently, it was only ok for him to make inter-service jibes - that he could dish it out but not take it. Before he said his piece he grabbed an unsuspecting AF Colonel to stand with us (I guess to chaperone). Then he proceeded to tell me how offended he had been by my comment and let loose a long diatribe of cliche bullshit. I just let him say his piece. Then I said, "Chief what I said was simple jest in response to your comments to the specialist. It was inter-service ribbing of the kind that always takes place in a venue such as this. If you took it different then I apologize." Instead of letting it sit, he proceeded to go at it again then said, "I'm finished here, sir, unless you have something to add." I said no I didn't, realizing the futility. In the meantime the Colonel just stood there rolling his eyes in bewilderment. Once chiefy walked away the Colonel said, "What was this all about?" When I explained he rolled his eyes and said, "oh for fuck's sake! just forget about what the chief said. C'mon let's get back inside and have fun."

The anti-climax was next. The final two singers had their "show down". The Army specialist wasn't one of them. Once they were finished the winner was decided by the crowd. The winner was the same AF enlisted female who had requested that I sing Iron Maiden a few weeks ago. What did she get? The chief's coin and a t-shirt. I shit you not. The grand prize for weeks of Balad Idol was a coin and a t-shirt. The entire crowd let out an exasperated sigh of disbelief. As soon as it was over the place emptied. I stuck around. As I stood watching the place empty I was greeted by person after person (AF, Army, and civilian). They were all slapping my hand, thanking me for coming, wishing I'd been in the competition, commenting about how funny (and true) my comment was. The entourage of well-wishers included AF Colonels, Army Colonels, Sergeants Major, and loads of the rank-and-file. The 875TH Engineers from Arkansas ARNG gathered round and presented me a unit patch and invited me to come to their HQ anytime. Most everyone was unaware of my private moment with the chief. Those who did know were incredulous that it happened. I heard a lot of "what the fuck?". From several AF people I not only got the "WTF?" but also the "that guy is a prick!" comments. Apparently the chief is not very well liked by his minions. One AF officer even commented to me, "well unfortunately that rank in the AF isn't about what you know but rather who you blow." Hmmmm....

Let me set the record straight - I love all the services. My last two deployments were joint-service, meaning I worked directly with the other services. One of my best buddies on my last deployment was Hoz the U2 pilot. Damn Hoz! I wish you and Mo were with me now because I would really enjoy having our movie-martini nights. You two would have been laughing your asses off last night. Any person who's spent any time in the military knows that when the different services get together there will be inter-service ribbing and joking. Nothing different happened last night. Only problem was this - the senior AF NCO in Iraq is too "thin-skinned" to take it. It's only fair when he's dishing it out. Quite frankly I can't take an act of "hard core" from someone who hands out his coins to Balad Idol champions. Last night was anticlimactic, short on fun, and downright tense for everyone there because of one person. I got a recommendation for the chief - lighten the fuck up. This war causes enough stress on all of us for you to come along and ruin a night of fun for everybody. You did a great job of doing just that last night.

Ultimate irony? after most everyone cleared out I stayed for about another hour hanging out with my AF buddies from the hospital. We chatted, laughed, and I watched them tear-up some ping-pong. They are going home to Minnesota soon. I wish them well. I'm glad to have met them. They are true heroes for the work they do every day here in Balad. Interestingly enough, they didn't have any kind words for the chief either. I'm not surprised.

No more Balad Idol for me. I suspect that after last night's shamfest there are a lot of folks here at Balad saying the same thing.

23 April 2007: The Return of Balad Idol

Before I get into today's update I need to clarify something about yesterday's blog. It seems one of you decided to send me an e-mail scolding me about my knowledge of history. Specifically, the e-mail was directed at my clarification of how LTC Onishi actually died (as opposed to what was depicted in "Letters From Iwo Jima"). Look smarty pants, you obviously did not see the movie so don't make assumptions. In the movie, LTC Onishi does not commit Seppuku (frequently, and erroneously, referred to as "Hari Kari"). When I said he commits suicide I mean just that. He takes off his boots and uses his big toe to pull the trigger on a rifle aimed at his head. There was no hint of Samurai or Bushido Code. So when I stated that the movie relegates him to a less than respectable way to die I meant it. See my previous post to see how LTC Onishi actually died. Not only was it more honorable, it would have made for better drama. A more appropriate title for the movie would be "The Bridges of Madison County Lead to Iwo Jima".

So what's up with the title of today's blog? As fate would have it, I've not seen the last of Balad Idol. I stopped by the AF MWR to see what was up. While there I encountered the AF Lieutenant in charge of the Balad Idol competition. She is also one of the judges. Although I missed round two she invited me to return for the final. Apparently she and the other judges agreed that they wanted me to participate. The big final is Tuesday night. I have no idea what I'll sing. I'll be there though. By the time most of you read this I'll be in the competition. Will I be the next Balad Idol? Hell I don't even know what the prize would be. Perhaps a recording contract with Sony? Uh... shit I hope not. Maybe just a write up in the Anaconda Times would suffice.

My day was an uneventful, typical work day. I've got my team gearing up for another mission. We've also got some soldiers coming to Balad that we'll be training later this week. For now we're just chillin' like Bob Dillon. Chillin' is hard to do with the temperature climbing. I'm having to use the AC in my humvee these days.

22 April 2007: Yankees Suck!

Red Sox sweep! First time the Red Sox have swept a home series over the Yanks since 1990! Now that's what I call awesome news! And let me add to that - Yankees Suck. Would you believe that AFN (Armed Forces Network) aired every game of the series? Sometimes AFN completely drops the ball (no pun intended) on their programming. However this past weekend was glorious. It's difficult to stay up real late or get up real early in the morning to watch baseball. I do it though because it was the Red Sox putting a hurt on the Yankees. What about the rest of my Sunday?

Sunday is a day for personal time. Unless we actually have a training event scheduled my team takes the day off. For me that meant sleeping in till around 0730. Ok, that's not sleeping in for some of you but those who know me realize that's late. During the course of the day I cleaned up my hooch, ate chow, got in a killer workout, ate some more chow, and went to the movie. It was "Letters From Iwo Jima". Now I've read the book "Flags of our Fathers" and also saw the movie. The book rocks and the movie is good (not great). "Letters From Iwo Jima" was rather sappy and I found myself bored for long stretches. It had some good moments. Anyone watching the movie who knew nothing of the battle would assume the island was defended by about 100 Japanese soldiers who all wanted to surrender but for a few sadistic officers. For the record, if you have seen the movie but only have what you saw as a reference let me correct something. There were over 25,000 Japanese defenders equipped with hundreds of artillery pieces and thousands of automatic weapons. A hundred or so (or less) survived the battle. The last soldier to surrender did so three or four years after the war ended. LTC (Baron) Onishi, the Olympic Gold Medalist, died leading a suicidal charge near the end of the battle. His body was found still holding the riding crop he had used in the Olympics. Unfortunately, the movie relegates his death to a much less respectable fashion - ie suicide. Truth is that if you really want to watch a classic war movie that shows both the American and Japanese side of the battle then dust off "Tora, Tora, Tora". It's an old movie but is very historically accurate and portrays both sides honorably without cliches. But you know if I was a legitimate movie critic I'd have my own show. However if you go back and look at how the Phoenix rated "300" you'll see that they viewed it as the same homoerotic manfest that I saw. So maybe I have a future rating movies for the Phoenix.....

Alright this posting didn't have much to do with soldiering in Anaconda. Or did it?

21 April 2007: It's just one of those days...

...where I've got nothing to report. Saturday at LSAA... well... I was supposed to fly down to BIAP but the mission requirements changed. What did I do with my bad self instead? I guess you could say I was re-acclimating to a normal work day. What does that consist of when I'm not on mission? Let's see... I got up around 0615, made coffee (my favorite blend from Whole Foods - thanks Jacqueline!), shaved, got dressed and went to breakfast. Breakfast was the TCN-style mountain of bacon, hashbrown, english muffin, boiled egg, melon, OJ, and coffee. We have a meeting at 0900 every day. After the uneventful meeting I went to my team office, made a few phone calls, sent a few e-mails, and updated the blog. Lunch at the AF DFAC was cornish hen, cucumber salad, and a Mountain Dew (no cuts this time). Back at the office for the afternoon...blah...blah...blah.... Get the picture? It was just a boring day. Get used to it folks - I'm going to be at LSAA for a few more days.

With so much time on my hands I can get back to reporting on other venues such as port-o-jon humor. I'll be keeping a keen eye on the behaviors of Joes around me too. Stay tuned everyone. In the next few days I'm going to make sure to get a true pulse of OIF here at Anaconda. At least that's something to keep me entertained as well. I'm already looking forward to the next mission.

20 April 2007: Back on the East Side!

Well, I'm back on the East Side of Anaconda anyway. Truth is, it's nice to be back for a few days. I had not realized how nice my hooch really is until I came back from traveling to other FOBs. Much like my home back in Providence, my hooch rocks! I got back in my bed at 0400. Our C130 arrived back in Balad at around 0240. The big surprise was that I have a new neighbor in the adjacent hooch. My trailer is two hooches (one on each end) with a shared bathroom in the middle. Fresh off my flight I walk into my bathroom to find shower shoes, towel, soap, and shampoo neatly displayed. My new neighbor is a Navy Master Chief. I haven't met him yet but after my early AM arrival disturbed his slumber he left me a note. It wasn't a nastygram. He was just saying hello and introducing himself. His assumption was that I was a new arrival at LSAA. I guess I'll explain to him at some point.

My team was supposed to fly out on another mission later in the day. The intent was for Catfish Air to whisk us to Baghdad. Their Blackhawks were full. Since we were "space A" they didn't have room for us. Now I'm left with trying to adjust our training plan by a day. We'll see how that works out. With the night free I proceeded to the gym. After working out I stopped by the AF MWR but it was very lame. Instead I indulged in the luxury of watching TV in bed back at my hooch. It was glorious.

19 April 2007: Air Force Military Courtesy

Since we didn't fly the night before it created an opportunity. We got to sleep in. I did just that. As a matter of fact, I slept right through breakfast. No problem though - I just went to "Green Beans". If you are scratching your head I'll explain. Green Beans is found on every FOB. It's an ersatz version of Starbucks. After getting dressed I walked over to the food court. I'm wearing my ACUs, the stage is set. Green Beans was empty except for two enlisted AF females. They were wearing PT uniforms (which for the AF looks like AF Academy cheerleading outfits). I knew they were enlisted though, having seen them previously. I ordered my coffee. The two girls had ordered some kind of special latte/espresso/whatever drinks (typical AF, plain coffee won't do). Another AF female enlisted walked in and joined the other two. They were all giggling like coeds at a slumber party.The two who ordered drinks went over to the milk and sugar counter. While I waited for them to get out of my way the third AF airman said, "hey I think you two are in his way." The airman closest to me looked right at me and said, "oh, sorry dude." Keep in mind that my rank (LTC) is clearly displayed on my ACUs. I looked at her and said, "did you just call me dude?" Without even batting an eye she said, "yeah, why?" I was just about to unload both barrels on her when the wheels in her brain housing group suddenly aligned. "Oh I'm sorry sir!" She exclaimed as her face turned beet red. I let it go at that. It's not the first time (nor the last) that I will encounter AF-style professional military courtesy. Inside I was laughing my ass off.

Later on I met my team for lunch at the DFAC. This gave rise to another goofy moment. Some of you reading this may not remember the day when soda and beer cans opened with a pull-tab. Back in the day, every can had one of these instead of the pull-down opener you see on cans today. Pull-tabs were banned as a choking hazard because most people would drop them into the can after opening. Well sodas canned under license locally still have pull-tabs. Now back to the story.... I was drinking a locally canned Mountain Dew. For whatever reason I was playing around with the pull-tab while we chatted. Well they aren't only a choking hazard. I sliced the shit out of my thumb on the stupid thing. Like any guy would do I just kept right on talking - pretending that nothing had happened. In the meantime I'm scrambling for napkins to soak up the blood. It became obvious to my team that I'd cut myself. That opened the floodgates for joking potshots about the purple heart. I laughed about that. Something I take great comfort in is that my team laughs together a lot. My thumb will survive.

We did finally make it out of FOB Warrior. Our C130 departed after midnight. I'm writing this from back at the office in Anaconda. It's short lived though. There are plenty of missions upcoming.

18 April 2007: What you can control, what you can't control..

Words to live by - never get stressed about events that are out of your control. Case in point would be traveling by military air in Iraq. If this sounds familiar it should be no surprise. My team was supposed to leave Kirkuk. Well we are still here. After waiting for about five hours in the pax terminal we were told the flight had been cancelled. Once again we are at the mercy of military air. Now we're "space A" on the next available flight. That's no guarantee. Given that we have another mission you'd think we'd be all stressed about making it in time. Not my team. We watched a really good extra-inning baseball game between the Royals and Tigers while we waited at the pax terminal. Why worry? It's not our fault that we're still at FOB Warrior. We'll get where we're going eventually. For now we'll just "chill".

Life's just too short to be stressed out. I choose not to be.

I believe this is the shortest entry I've written. Sometimes a day here can be summed up in just a few sentences. I'm certain there's some awesome moments to share ahead. Stay tuned.

17 April 2007: Cops in Kirkuk

The warrant officer who's our POC here at FOB Warrior had mentioned to me that IP (Iraqi Police) are the main target of any insurgency activity in Kirkuk. Otherwise this place is very quiet. Since the FOB is adjacent to the city we can hear sirens when there's some type of emergency response. That sets the stage for today's "pseudo-drama."

I was out with two other members of my team inspecting shipping containers for serviceability. They were located in a lot that was adjacent to the perimeter wall. As we conducted the inspections we heard emergency response sirens nearby in the city. Sensing something afoot, I climbed up to an observation point so I could look beyond the wall. Mainly I saw a couple of goat herders and their flocks. However, in the distance I could see traffic moving on a major thoroughfare. Beyond that I could see the blue lights of IP flashing. I watched for a short time and was about to move out when.... BOOM!!! In the far distance there was a flash followed by the report of an explosion. It was too far away to make out what happened. As a matter of fact, I never did find out the source. For all I know it could have been a controlled detonation of a suspicious package, an accident, or an IED. It did make for a short moment of high drama. At that point I thought of the reality show COPS. I know it's cliche but I thought of Cops in Kirkuk. What a show - jaywalking goat herders, Kurdish independence rallies, occassional speeders, and IEDs. My team and I resumed our work as though nothing had happened.

In the evening we watched "The Departed" over at MWR. It's a great movie. I'd seen it before. It was definitely worth a reprise. Since it's based in Boston (with many mentions of Providence) the movie succeeded in making me homesick. That's the state I was in when I went to bed. I got over it though.

16 April 2007: Some days are just....

...mundane. That's the word that sums it up. Today was one (obviously so or it wouldn't be the topic). Where can I express a highlight in a day where nothing was out of the ordinary? I can't really. Breakfast? Just my normal bacon, scrambled eggs, hashbrown, and wheat toast. Ok, that made me think of something generic to any day, any FOB. Long gone are the days of "Cookie" the mess sergeant and the cliche, bland Army mess hall (such as what you'd find in "Beetle Bailey" or an old, black and white war flick). Today's DFACs are run by KBR and offer an incredible abundance of great chow. I'll go into more depth on our menus in a later blog. Over here the DFACs are staffed by TCNs (Third Country Nationals - normally Pakistanis). They do a great job and are very courteous. However, they have no concept on what a normal-size serving of bacon would be. So at breakfast if you ask for bacon don't be surprised if your plate comes back with a mound of bacon equivalent to what would satiate five men. That's what I got again this morning. It's a good thing I like bacon. In addition to the normal chow I took care of my coffee fix.

The major event was the next iteration of training. My team taught classes all morning on the equipment redeployment process. We had a full house - upwards of 70 soldiers from various units. What I love about this is that these soldiers are eager to learn what we're teaching because it eases the process of their eventual redeployment. My team rocks at sharing this knowledge. I can't express how proud I am to be in charge of this. We're the only team like this in country. I'd love to get more specific but can't in this venue. It was a very successful training day. Perhaps that's the highlight?

If I'm speaking on just a "from my perspective" point of view then I wouldn't say that training was the highlight. It was just another day at the office. We did have a Captain from one of the Mobile Public Affairs Detachments observe our training and conduct some interviews. She'll most likely publish this into an article in the monthly magazing her MPAD publishes. I'll certainly make the attempt to get a copy. I can't say that was the highlight either.

My routine always includes a trip to the gym. The FOB Warrior gym (Bastogne Fitness Center) is well equipped. It's never a problem to work up a good sweat with first-rate equipment. I attacked my workout with a purpose. Those of you who know me understand that I don't fool around in the gym. Yet it was just another aspect of a routine day.

How about supper? Chili, ribs, shredded chicken, coleslaw, buttered corn, iced tea, and ice cream... How in the world I didn't need alka-selzer after all that escapes me! You know what? I give up! It was just a mundane, normal day. I didn't even see any good grafitti today (I think they keep repainting the walls in the shitters around here). Ok here's a highlight - the rain stopped and sunny skies have arrived. It's really quite pleasant here in Kirkuk.

15 April 2007: Ma Bell loves soldiers....NOT!!!

A day in Kirkuk with no training scheduled means I get another chance to tell you about another hidden gem. In this case it's the tale of the rip-off. From time to time there's an aspect of OIF that has the appearance of being a scam. One company that makes no apologies about scamming Joe is AT&T. Perhaps the biggest heist of Joe's money is something you'll find on every FOB. It's called the "AT&T Calling Center." Now on face value one would think it nice of a company to make such a kiosk available to the soldiers. After all, Joe wants to call home to friends and family so AT&T has provided the opportunity. Follow the dollar folks and you'll find this ain't no "win-win". Everyone is very familiar with calling cards right? Just pay for long distance time, scratch the back of the card for your code, call the 1800 number provided and listen to the prompts. Well normally when you use a card each "unit" equals a minute of long distance. If you use a pay phone there's normally a charge of an extra 15 units or so for each call. That being said, 100 units (which costs around $8) is worth roughly 100 minutes. Not so for Joe! He can buy AT&T calling cards in the PX (no other brand, just AT&T). So let's say Joe pays $15 for a 300 unit card so he can call the family. Unfortunately, Joe proceeds to the AT&T Calling Center that's located next to the PX. He makes his call with the intent to speak as long as he can (big family). Well at the AT&T Calling Center that means his 300 unit card is good for maybe 90 minutes. I'm not making this up folks. An AT&T calling card in the AT&T Calling Center is only worth a fraction in minutes. What the fuck Ma Bell? In your attempt to look patriotic you actually provide a scam of the soldiers. Are you telling me that it costs that much in fees for your service? You can make cell phone calls for less. By my observation it's the biggest fraud that I've seen directly impacting the soldiers. What set me off on this? There's a call center right next to my hooch here in FOB Warrior.

Well Joe isn't stupid fortunately. The first time I deployed here the call centers were about the only option to the average Joe. Nowadays the call centers remain mostly empty. Joe is onto the scam and figured out less costly ways to call home. The easiest way is to use the military switch numbers to call back to an installation near your hometown. They will connect you with an outside dial tone so you can use your calling card for an exact rate. If the call you are making is local to the military installation you can make it at no charge - all the way from Iraq. These usages of the military switch lines are called "morale calls". Another venue is through KBR. This company does a lot of great things for the soldiers. They provide free internet services and phones that work like the military switch lines (except that you have to use a calling card. It's at the correct rate though). Now that you know all of this you should feel relieved that Joe figured out a way to break the AT&T monopoly. However the competition didn't make Ma Bell stop cheating the soldiers. She's still making a boatload by charging double and triple rates on Joe's calling cards. What do I say? Screw you Ma Bell! Take your calling centers and go home.

Ah! I feel so much better now. Man I love writing this blog! There's no end to what I can describe.

I saw a little of FOB Warrior today. The perimeter fence runs right up to the city limits. This is unusual in that FOBs are normally some distance away from the nearest cities. Kirkuk is a pretty calm city. The Kurds have been self-governing for over ten years now and there's little sign of insurgency around here. My hooch is less than half a mile from the city. We can even hear the calls to prayer. What's weird the past couple of days is the weather. Today we were pounded by spectacular thunderstorms. My team and I even had to wait one out at the DFAC after supper. It's very cool here as well. My guess is it hasn't climbed above 70 the whole time. I'm sure that will change though. Like FOB Speicher, this isn't the only time I'll see FOB Warrior.

For the benefit of my friends back home I'll share a little fact that I normally share in my news e-mails. Thanks to General Order #1: Days without a beer: 42

Back to work tomorrow.

14 April 2007: Goodbye Speicher! Hello Warrior!

First I must point out that this won't be my last day ever in FOB Speicher. I'll definitely be back. It's a very big FOB, lots of soldiers, and plenty of equipment that will have to redeploy someday (at least 3 months later than it was originally scheduled now that rotations are 15 months). Yes my team and I will return. Our last day for now was marked by gale-force winds most of the day that whipped sand around everywhere. We didn't have any work to do as we finished our training the day before. I just told everyone to stay out of trouble, take care of personal affairs, and meet back at our billets by a certain time. Our flight wasn't until late in the evening. What did I do? Absolutely nothing and it was a beautiful time. At about 1800 we headed over to the rotary wing pax terminal, checked in and waited. There was a TV playing non-stop movies. This was great because shortly after we arrived some Joe popped in "Stripes". I've seen the movie a million times but it was even funnier this time. I think it was the first time I've watched it surrounded by Joes. The movie is classic military humor that remains timeless.

Are you bored yet? Look folks, if anything you should get the picture that most days around here are pretty boring. I'm reaching for things to make light of. Anyway I'll get on with it. We boarded UH-60 Blackhawks around 2200 for the trip to FOB Warrior (further north sitting adjacent to Kirkuk). There were the four of us plus three other soldiers and a civilian. The pax manifest NCO was very obnoxious and had one of the most grating voices of all time. Rather than using a bullhorn or PA system she would just scream out instructions. So every ten minutes or so everyone in the pax terminal would hear her screach something like "any one AMR to Mosul, Balad, Warhorse, BIAP who has not signed in needs to do so right now!!" Well this same soldier walked us out to the flight line to wait for our two helicopters. Wouldn't you know it had started to rain? So we stood there waiting in the dark night (when I say dark I mean it. I went to the port-o-let to take a piss and for all I know I pissed down the wall and on the floor because I couldn't see a damn thing). Anyway, while we waited we could see tracers and rockets flying on the opposite side of the airfield. Apparently it was just a gunnery range but the shear sight and sound was a little nerve-racking. A Major that was with us told an awful joke thinking it would break the ice of our wait. He said, "A pirate goes into a bar. He has an eyepatch, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his crotch. Stepping up to the bar he says, "Argh.. I'll have a beer. Argh." The bartender gets his beer and says "I get the parrot and the eyepatch. What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate responds, "Argh, it's for driving me nuts! Argh.'" I guess I've told you his joke to illustrate how bad it was. Nobody laughed except the pax NCO. I just rolled my eyes in a "what the fuck, over" way.

We boarded the UH-60s and headed north. It was a cold ride but visibility was good. Once in the air I strained to make out ground features but really could only see the twinkling of lights all around. We made one stop at FOB McHenry to drop off one soldier. Then we flew on to Kirkuk. It's a big city and the lights stretched out below for a long ways. There are several oil refineries as well and the waste gas fires lit up the surrounding area like torches. As we started to descend I saw a flash on the horizon that marked an explosion of some kind. I don't have any idea what it was and haven't found out. It didn't affect us. We landed and met our POC at the pax arrival terminal. He got us situated in our billets (I'm in another container unit billet like at Striker. The rest of the team is tent city). I crashed. Hell it was almost 0200. I won't really see what this place is all about until tomorrow. Goodbye Speicher, Hello Warrior.

Happy Birthday to my brother Tom. You would have been 48 today. Were you still on this earth I'm certain you'd be here in Iraq leading soldiers. You were one of the best officers I've ever known. Leading soldiers was your life's calling. The Army could sure use more like you.

13 April 2007: Port-o-Jon Grafitti: The True Pulse of OIF

Yeah I know, it was Friday the 13th. Two things - I'm not superstitious and could care less for cliches. It was really just another day in OIF. My team wrapped up our training at FOB Speicher. Now we're on tap to travel to another FOB and repeat the process. That means a whole new venue from which to report sights, sounds, observations, and commentary. Given that it was just another day at the office I've decided to take advantage of the lull to lay the foundation of how you judge the true pulse of OIF - read Joe's grafitti in the port-o-jons.

Joe is an incredible case study. I've been observing Joe in action for many years now yet he never ceases to amaze. There is nobody more creative, artistic, intellectual, politically savvy, or well-versed in all subject matter. I could spend hours listening in on Joe's conversations. Yet it's when I go to the port-o-jon that I find the true depth of Joe's understanding. Remember that Joe's the guy who represents where the rubber meets the road in OIF. We can all learn a lot from him. I know that I do.

Ok so that leads me to a recent trip to a lovely, KBR port-o-jon. Seems I'd had a bit too much coffee and, coupled with last night's taco salad, I had to make use of the premium facility. That's ok because it gave me a chance to see what Joe's thinking these days. In one sitting I was able to see writings from every type of Joe. Here's some examples of what I mean. I've written all of these quotes exactly as they are expressed by Joe.

There's the usual "my unit is the best" Joe who writes things like this: "Compared to us.... everybody looks like the reserve or national guard. We're the 82nd!!"

You also find the politically savvy Joe who writes, "We're Fighting 4 A 120-Degree Kitty Litter Box. MEOW!"

There's the wreckless, carefree, "I don't give a shit" Joe. He writes, "We ride, we brawl. Gettin' money till the day we fall! - Double Barrel Shotgun" (notice that he's assumed a Mark Twain like pen name)

Another Joe who's always sharing thoughts is the one who forces us to think by challenging the status-quo. His comment in this portable toilet was "We are fighting? That's what they say. Hell, this ain't fighting. It's garrison with a weapon and a boonie cap." (by garrison he's referring to being back in the states on his home base)

It never fails to find the Joe who's just fatalistic. He writes things like "I hate all of you. Fuck this place".

But for every fatalistic Joe there's a happy go lucky who's never had it so well. He wrote this profound comment - "AH LUVS IRAT" (I guess he was one of the guys John Kerry was referring to)

Then you can always find the pseudo-racist humor Joe who adds a joke. "How do we know Adam was white? Did you ever try to take a rib from a black man?"
His joke drew a response from another Joe blasting in the opposite direction. "Stupid-ass cracker! Is this your first time away from the pig farm? Bet you miss corn holing!"

However, what never fails to astound me is that Joe has an amazing ability to carry on a complete conversation in the port-o-jon. It's an uncanny skill with the pen. As I took care of my class 1 download (military euphemism for taking a shit), I was highly entertained by the following Joe-graffitti conversation:

Marine: "Every unit in the Army is full of cry baby, pussy ass fags. Marines are doing all the work + protecting everone @ the same time. OORAH! Devil Dogs"

Soldier: "The marines didn't say a fuckin word after following 82nd into FALLUJAH Bitches"

Marine: "Remember 2003? Marines were 1st. 82nd was at home (soldier)"

Soldier: "Are you fuckin on crack marines bitch please.... You was better off saving the Air Force"

Ah those Joes..... If I had one-tenth the flair I could make millions writing novels. His graffitti reassures me that all is well. Joe's happy? I'm happy. You make taking a shit an entertaining proposition every day. When I'm having my moment of solitude I'm reassured by your wit, humor, and prose.

I wish all of you could see for yourself. I'll try to keep you abreast of the pulse of OIF by sharing the writings of Joe. Stay tuned. By the way, the wind is howling outside. Sandstorm? I sure as hell hope not.

12 April 2007: All Quiet in the North

Ah... do you hear that? I don't either. COB Speicher is quiet, calm, and devoid of any sounds that may suggest there's a war on. Occassionally, there's a test-fire of weapons in the distance. This happens anytime a convoy leaves the wire. Other than that? It's very quiet in the north. I say this because it's been six nights and I don't recall there being a single mortar attack. Back in LSAA we had at least one or two a day. The irony is that LSAA is a big logistics base while COB Speicher is home to hard-core infantry types. I'm really not complaining, just explaining. Soldiers here sleep comfortably without interruption.

Today my team taught another formal set of classes to a fresh set of soldiers. We also inspected some equipment and containers. The weather is much improved. Although we were contending with the "Speicher spackle" yesterday, things have dried out rather quickly. That's a relief. Overall? A good day was had by all. After a workout I had a good supper. The menu included beef lasagna. Although the pasta wasn't al dente, the lasagna kicked ass. If only I had a good merlot to accompany the meal. A couple of my soldiers and I then went to the MWR and watched "Night at the Museum". I'd not seen the movie before and enjoyed it very much. It helps that I love the NYC Museum of Natural History. Yeah... it was a mundane, uneventful day. We'll get back at it tomorrow.

Now here's a question a lot of soldiers (including me) would like answered. Why the fuck are we still getting barraged with Anna Nicole Smith news? She was a shitty actress, a flaky fake blonde, and sexy only to the most brain-dead male. Enough already!! Now we're going to be hearing about Don Imus for the next three months. As far as we're concerned? Just show us sports on AFN. Thank god the NFL draft is around the corner, baseball is in season, and we have the ability to change the channel if need be.

All for today... I will be adding photos to several of these entries once we're back at LSAA.

11 April 2007: Speicher? More like Spackle

FOB Speicher is located near the city of Tikrit (if you'd like to check the map). In the distance you can see the rolling hills to the north that eventually lead to Kurdish cities like Kirkuk. The climate becomes more temperate as you head north. For the most part, the land around Speicher reminds me of central Texas. With the temperate climate comes rain. This morning I stepped out to see very threatening skies. Magnificent streaks of lightning arched from horizon to horizon, followed by rumbling thunder. Unfortunately, the heavens let loose shortly after that and didn't let up for most of the day. I won't make another lengthy foray into describing Iraqi mud. However, Speicher is a very dusty place due to the large amount of construction, vehicle traffic, and foot traffic. Rain simply turned this entire FOB into a sea of mud. So now everywhere I walk my boots are immediately covered in spackle-like mud. For now FOB Speicher has been transformed into FOB Spackle.

My team completed round one of training despite the rain. We had to do a lot of our events outdoors. I really don't mind being outside on a hot, sunny day. This rain and mud made for a virtual suckfest. I hope it's sunny tomorrow. There's too much already here that makes for misery so the rain can wait. Too late for today though - it's a wash.

In remembrance today of my older brother Tom. It was on this day 14 years ago that you answered the Lord's call to heaven. I know you're still there looking down and laughing at me and my follies. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss you brother. We'll have eternity to share and I know you'll be waiting on me there.

10 April 2007: Land of the Alpha-Male Prick, Home of the Perpetual "Cock Block"

Disclaimer - I never said my blog would be G-rated. This is my place to post observations, thoughts, and comments in my own words. Quite frankly, it would be impossible for me to paint an accurate portrait of my experience here if I was sanitizing my descriptions. Many of you know that I love to observe human behavior and can spend hours people-watching and engaging total strangers in conversation. I'm not a Sigmund Freud wannabe, just enjoy noting human behavioral patterns. There's no place like the Army to see some extremes.

I hope the title for today caught your eye. I'll get straight to the subject. All my friends out there who've served (or are serving) and have deployed will completely relate. Alright so here it is. All of you realize that the military is predominately male. This means that the male/female ratio is never favorable. When a unit is not deployed this can be mitigated somewhat by the local women (cliche around military posts is that the local women are all divorced, have kids, are looking for a husband, etc.). Joe (generic for male enlisted soldier) is always on the make and many times uses poor judgement when it comes to women. Unfortunately when a unit deploys the odds for Joe become much worse. Arriving at a FOB in Iraq, the ratio is now around 10:1 (including civilian contractors). Women who were maybe a "5" on the 1-10 scale back in the states are now a "10+" in the eyes of hard up Joe. The end result for deployed Joe is that every single female has a gaggle of three or more Joes. All of them think they're "in like Flynn". They form their fire team around the female in a 3-5 man stack. There's the loud and obnoxious ringleader Joe, the Joe who tries to steal the spotlight from ringleader Joe, and the silent Joe who thinks if he just bides his time the girl will notice him. That's the basic formation. However, their teamwork always leads to the same sad result - perpetual cock block. Just like two meatheads interested in the same girl at a rave, no Joe will leave for fear of losing out. Basically, it boils down to "if I'm not getting any I'll be damned if my squad mates are getting any." I've watched this play out everywhere - the mess hall, the PX, the gym, the MWR, and the list goes on. It's no wonder that I walked into a "port-o-jon" the other day to see the wall emblazoned with "Welcome to the Whack Shack". Yep, Joe is hard up. Every FOB has maybe one or two gobblers, very few hens, and lots of jakes.

Now this doesn't mean that Joe never has his opportunity to have exclusivity. His behavior becomes extremely territorial in times like this. Case in point - After work I went to the Speicher gym (a very nice facility that is a well-renovated gym from previous management). While I was getting my workout on I ran into an old friend. I hadn't seen her since I was a lieutenant. She's now a battalion commander here and apparently still single. As it was a chance encounter I didn't realize she was working out with someone. It didn't take more than 5-seconds for Alpha Male Prick (rank unknown) to position himself between my friend and me. He makes certain to introduce himself in a booming voice, all the while flexing. I could see that he felt threatened and I thought "easy dawg, no competition here, your monopoly is secure." While it was nice to see my old friend, at the same time I felt sorry for her. How I would have loved to introduce her to some of my intellectual, intelligent friends back in Providence. I abruptly ended the chat and got on with my workout. As I walked away I could almost hear the silverback roar and beat his chest in triumph. (I believe it's scientific fact that gorillas have tiny peckers) In the course of my workout I overheard him repeat the same marking of his territory several times. Oh it's a scene played out multiple times a day, day after day, on every FOB in Iraq.

Back to reality though... After my workout I headed to the DFAC for supper. The medevac helo-pad is on the way. Unlike LSAA, the medevac lands in full view of anyone walking in the area. Just as I was walking past I noticed the hospital staff staging on the edge of the pad. I looked around and spotted the Blackhawk inbound. I stopped in my tracks and watched. Once the bird landed the staff rushed out to remove the patients. They worked for some time securing a motionless, critically wounded patient before wheeling him in. The crew chief sprinted in with them then a short time later returned and the helicopter left. Everything then became earily quiet. At that moment I said a prayer - for the wounded soldiers, for their families, and for everyone else back home. It's easy to forget in your day to day life about the extreme sacrifices being made over here. No matter what your religious belief please take just a moment every day to remember the men and women in uniform. They remember you every hour of every day.

Later in the DFAC I sat near a table where a bunch of soldiers (8 male, 2 female - see my ratio quotient above) were enjoying supper and laughing and carrying on. At that moment everything seemed so normal. I felt as though I could have just walked out of the DFAC and gone straight back to my home in Providence. As I stepped outside I snapped back to reality.

09 April 2007: Soundtrack by Radiohead

Remember the pigeon I mentioned? I found him exactly where he had been wallowing in a catatonic state. He had died. The poor bird just looked like he was sleeping. Sometimes this place seems as though it's part of a movie set. There's no doubt the soundtrack would be by Radiohead.

Now the day was rather busy. We held our training session for about 80 soldiers - representing several of the units that call COB Speicher home. The training will continue tomorrow. Without getting into specifics I'll give you a little understanding of what my team does. We're the good guys - as in we're the ones who start training these various units how to get their storage containers and bulk equipment home. In essence, I head up the team of professionals that assist soldiers in getting home faster and more efficiently when their deployment is over. It's very gratifying because we serve the warfighters (nobody has earned the right more than they have). That was a "vanilla" description of what I do but it should be enough. Now you won't have to scratch your head when I talk about my team and our training.

I just completed a book that I enjoyed and recommend. It's entitled "Fiasco: The American Military Adventure in Iraq" by Thomas Ricks. I found it to be well written, unbiased, and very factual. Despite the title, the author does not reach a dire conclusion. Instead he brings you to this point in time, which is certainly a crossroads for the war. As I've mentioned in a previous blog there have certainly been errors made. The book spells out a good many of them as lessons to be learned and used to make corrections. Anyway, go check out the book.

I'm jumping around a bit right now on subjects. FOB Speicher is named after Scott Speicher. He was shot down in his F-18 Hornet during the first Gulf War. He's never been accounted for and remains MIA. Many of you probably didn't know that there was a U.S. Servicemember MIA from that war.

I've got the itchy typing finger tonight but I can't go on. I'm using a computer at the MWR and their are lots of soldiers waiting. Stay tuned for my introduction of a feature called "Port-o-Jon" humor - based on actual soldier grafitti found in the beautiful, luxurious, KBR portable toilets located on every FOB. Some of the grafitti is profound and could spawn a blog all of it's own. I'm proud to say that I will be bringing home to you some of the finest "Joe" comments from around Iraq.

Damn, my time is up. Hey PC cadets! I heard through the grapevine that you guys got into the pool around 0200 at the Military Ball. I better not get blamed although I wouldn't be surprised. My alibi is airtight so maybe SGM can take the fall. Later everyone. Sam from FOB Speicher, out.

08 April 2007: Happy Easter from FOB Speicher

I woke up early this morning and ventured out to see what was obscured by darkness last night. This place is a hazy, dusty, and rather barren looking FOB. It's a big base - I mentioned that this was once the Iraqi Air Force Academy. There are a lot of dreary, tan-brick buildings and refrigerated bunkers from the old complex. The building I'm in appears to have been a one -story barracks. It's been renovated slightly but still has a very draconian appearance. There's a medevac helo-pad very close to my temporary billet. There's been a few arrivals during the course of the day. It's Easter. Most everyone is off today. The main DFAC is decked with Easter decorations and the chow reflects what you might expect back home. I loitered at lunch to people watch. It's funny to see how many "hook-ups" are going on at every FOB. You can always tell when the male and female soldier come walking in and sit together. They're trying to be all cool but you know that somebody has found themselves a hooch-bunny. I want to explain more but right now I'm on a time limit and there's a long line of soldiers waiting to get online to send Easter e-mail.

I think Avian flu is making it's way around here. I've already seen a dead pigeon and another that was just sitting on the ground rather dazed and confused. I thought it was nesting but it wasn't. Photos you say? Don't worry, I'm taking a few and will be making sure the blog is festooned with them once I get them downloaded.

A rather bland posting today I know.... I've got some humor forming up in the brain-housing group and will introduce some of my "soon to be regular" funnies later this week. Stay tuned. Happy Easter!!

07 April 2007: Live from Camp Speicher

Greetings again friends... I'll have to be very brief today. This comes to you from Camp Speicher, which is in northern Iraq. I'll be here for several days. As a matter of fact, I just got here in the past two hours. My team and I came in on a sleak C130 Hercules. It's a pretty dreary night here and rainy. We'll be working quite a bit to help out the warfighters up here. However, I'll be able to report it appears. I'm looking forward to providing some good stories and tales.

By the way, this place used to be the home of Saddam's Air Force Academy. I think I'm staying in one of the old cadet billets. That means no VIP quarters for me this time around. Damn!

Alright I gotta go. I'm on a "community" computer and there are soldiers waiting. Later friends.

06 April 2007: Pre-Combat Checks

Greetings again everyone! I'll be brief today. As promised, I won't venture into "no man's land" like I did yesterday. I just had to get that off my chest.

Ah another day at LSA Anaconda.... My focus today is to complete all the pre-combat checks with my team. We'll be out and about the AOR (Area of Responsibility) over the next couple of weeks or so assisting our fellow warfighters. That means I'll be reporting to you from a few more FOBs in the coming days. Before we go it is important to make sure that we packed all of the equipment to perform our mission. A PCC is kind of like making sure you didn't forget something before you go on a trip. From the soldier standpoint, it is essential to mission success. Yeah there's the obvious stuff we look for - ammo, body armor (IBA), extra uniforms, first aid kits, etc. But it's more than that. This is where we do our final rehearsals of each team member's integral function. So that's what is on the plate.

Once we get out there I'll be back in the telling you what we did and where we've been mode again. OPSEC demands that.

Last night I cruised back over to the Air Force MWR. It's getting a little routine but that's ok. The second I walked in folks who had attended "Balad Idol" were requesting an encore of "TNT". A special request came that I sing something by Megadeth. Unfortunately I couldn't fulfill that one - not well enough rehearsed with their music. There was a group of soldiers from the Arkansas Army National Guard in attendance. One of them was a pretty good singer himself. I spent some time chatting with them. I also spent a little time talking with some of the AF folks I've met and invited them to view my blog (welcome! if you made it here I expect some feedback!).

Like always, stay tuned - lots of travelling coming up, which means some insightful stories from around the country. For now it's back to PCC's.

05 April 2007: The "Feel-good" of Saying "Support Our Troops"

Before you read on let me explain something. I'm not entering the political diatribe here. America is the greatest country in the world not because of military power, but rather because of the freedom we all enjoy. Every one of you has the right to feel however you'd like, voice your own opinion, and change the political process with your vote. I realize that the war in Iraq is very divisive. I know that many of you are completely against the war. That's cool too. What I'm about to discuss is not a "my side, your side" rant. I'm not even going to mention a political party because it doesn't matter. However, a lot of men and women in uniform (including myself) are fed up with being used as a smoke screen. Whether you like it or not, our mission is to fight this war, to succeed in this war, to WIN this war. This war is the direction we've been given by our duly elected political representatives (regardless of party) and we intend to accomplish this mission. If you don't support the direction of the war then vote for change. The only way you can truly support us is to stand behind our mission. To say "I support our troops - I just don't support the war" is the same as saying "I support our troops - I just don't support their mission." That's a complete contradiction because the troops and their mission go hand in hand. It would be better to just say "I don't support the war" and leave the troops out. Right now I'm very angry at comments made by the top senator in the land. I'm not the only one feeling this way. I've just decided to speak my mind.

The proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back" was dropped by none other than Senator Harry Reid. Under the guise of "support our troops" he has called the war in Iraq a "failure". In his exact words, "The war has been a failure. We have to bring our troops home." And then to justify everything he made sure to include the smoke screen that justifies it all, that he supports our troops and that we deserve public support. Senator Reid, have you ever read the Soldier's Creed? Do you know the four pillars of the Warrior Ethos? For that matter, did you ever ask our troops what they thought of your comments? Don't worry I'll spell them out for you. However, I will say up front - it is a contradiction to say "I support our troops, I just don't support this war." Quite frankly, it is a contradiction that is getting abused a lot these days. If there is one statement that demoralizes the men and women of our armed forces it would be that.

It is very much like using "global warming" to justify a comment about the environment (ex. "Because of global warming this will be a particularly destructive hurricane season") When did scientific theory become scientific fact? It hasn't. For every theory justifying global warming there's another that refutes. Yet it is very vogue these days to justify dire warnings about everything simply by saying "because of global warming." In much the same way it has become vogue to say "support our troops" as a justification for everything that follows negative about the war (ex. "because I support our troops we need to end the war and bring them home") Goddammit! Just say you don't support the war. I'm cool with that. Perhaps if you read the Soldier's Creed you'll understand what I just said.

The Soldier's Creed (Warrior Ethos in italics):
I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team. I serve the people of the United States and live the Army Values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills. I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.I am an expert and I am a professional.I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.

The Warrior Ethos represents the heart and soul of today's soldier. Let me address each pillar as it relates to this subject.

I will always place mission first. What is our mission? To win this war. Have there been mistakes made? Hell yes. (I could go on and on - shouldn't have dissolved the Iraqi Army in 2003, should have had more troops available for the immediate post-invasion, etc. etc.) The Army is amazingly adaptive at learning from mistakes and implementing lessons learned. That's because mission accomplishment is our goal, focus, and top priority. We do things a lot differently now than we did just two years ago because we are learning and adapting. Every time we step back and apply a lesson learned it gets us closer to a successful conclusion.

I will never accept defeat. Accepting defeat is what Senator Reid is now espousing. He's the best propaganda minister the insurgents could ever hope for. The first objective of fighting a successful counter-insurgency is winning the hearts and minds of the local population. Conversely, the insurgency objective is to prevent that from happening and erode support for the war. Early on we didn't do a good job in the "hearts and minds" part but we are getting a lot better - much to the detriment of the insurgents. But here comes Senator Reid making his "failure" comment. What a surge of confidence you just put into the hearts and minds of every insurgent. Thanks Senator.

I will never quit. Nothing is ever accomplished by quitters. Americans love winners. Guess what? Winners never quit. Senator Reid you must have been the kid who always took his ball and went home when you didn't get to play quarterback. You want to guarantee failure in Iraq? Let's just quit. That's what you want to do isn't it? The only way we can truly fail there is to quit. It's too late to debate the events that led us to this point. Why don't you offer something constructive that could adjust our mission towards swifter success? Quitting is not an option for a soldier.

I will never leave a fallen comrade. And we won't. SSG Matt Maupin has been MIA since 2004. SSG Maupin we will not leave you behind.

Some of you may be thinking that I'm blasting Senator Harry "The Quitter" Reid because of his political party. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm writing this because of what he said. If my own mother had said what the senator said I would be debating her. I personally hate to stray into political discussion or even anything that hints at the subject of politics. But words mean things Senator and when you speak them it gives them power. You can't take those words back. You've made your message clear - your only solution to Iraq is to quit. The mission of our troops, according to you, is forlorn.

With that in mind I send out this personal challenge to Senator Reid - provide a clear, concise, constructive solution that will bring swift success for Iraq. Quitting is not an option. I invite you to contact me and explain how my mission can be completed successfully. Prove to all of us that you truly do support our troops by fighting for our ability to succeed. Success for us means that we have met the principals of the Warrior Ethos. Your present plan is a slap in the face to all of us who wear the uniform because it violates all four pillars that form the foundation of our creed. Stop saying you support us when, in fact, your words and actions say otherwise. So I'm waiting to hear from you Senator Reid. I'm looking forward to hearing your plan.

Friends and readers of my blog - please pass this message on. I am sincere in saying that I want Senator Reid to see this. I want him to respond - either publicly or privately. I doubt if he will. However, Senator if you do read this and want to respond submit a comment to this blog with your contact information. Although I am in Iraq I will get in touch with you if you make that a possibility.

For the rest of you? I'll stick to my normal subject matter from now on - I promise.

03 April 2007: Balad Idol, part 2

Clarification on the contest is as follows: this is NOT a karaoke event and it's not settled in one night. Every performer had to know their song. That meant either the background instrumentals were provided or a person could play their own instruments. Ok, that being said let me give a report on the contest. Their were 12 contestants. Every performer was enlisted except me. They were about equally split between Army and Air Force. Songs ranged from sickening country to sappy love ballads to more upbeat alternative. Two contestants sang together while playing guitars. Everyone got one song. There were three judges. How did it turn out? Exactly as planned. Just as I expected, most of the singers either weren't very good, chose terrible songs, or simply had no stage presence. All it took from me was one stirring rendition on "TNT". There were around 500 in attendance and every one of them were chanting "Oy! Oy! Oy!" Mine was the only performance that received a standing ovation. The judges were putty in my hands. What did this get me? I advanced to the next round. That's in exactly 2-weeks.

What everyone didn't know is that I'll most likely be out on mission then. Anybody who retains the memory of the crazy LTC singing TNT in their brain-housing group will be disappointed when they come to the next round looking for me. However, I am an American soldier and I will always place the mission first. Balad Idol will have to wait.

02 April 2007: Game Face - Balad Idol Coming Up

I've decided to participate. I figure, "what the hell?" With that in mind it's time to reach deep into my repertoire and find that game face from Snookers (see photo). Isn't it kinda crazy that in the middle of this place I'm talking about Balad Idol competition? Look folks, I'm here for a year. You can count on me to share stories a little more OIF-specific. While I'm between missions I'm in a more normalized office routine. Were I to spout the daily routine in this venue I'm afraid I'd lose many of you to boredom. So now I expect all of you to lean forward in your seats with bated anticipation - will he carry the day in Balad Idol? Stay tuned.

An Ivy bacon cheese burger would rock about now. Rob, make that with swiss and fries. You know the beverage - the usual.

01 April 2007: Sand Storm? April Fools!

I'm reaching for stories on today. Best I can do is to mention Mother Nature's April Fools. This morning the wind was howling. It seemed as though a sand storm was blowing in. All the indicators were there - swirling dust, low visibility, dusty clouds on the horizon... It just never really materialized. Unless we're on mission I let my team take Sunday's off. Unfortunately, the pseudo-sand storm made outdoor activities impossible. It also spoiled the season opening of the LSAA outdoor pool. By nightfall the wind had died down and a brilliant moon shone through the clouds. A dusk IDF attack made for some spectacular fireworks to the north. Four F16's took off just after dark - their afterburners sending long plumes of blue flame into the night sky.

That was about all I observed of note. Doesn't look like we'll have a sand storm after all.

31 March 2007: Boredom Days

Sometimes there are days here when it seems as though time is standing still. Today was one of those days. It was a very slow Saturday at work and I let everyone on the team leave early. All my gym clothes were in the KBR laundry so no workout. AFN was out in my hooch so forget about watching some TV. My course of action was the time-honored method of making hours go by blissfully - I settled in for a long afternoon nap. This is definitely not something that's always a luxury. I knocked off a good two hours. After supper I met my team over at the Sustainer Theater to see "The Shooter" with Marky Mark. While I expected it to be a "Mark Wahlberg plays Jason Bourne"-type movie it turned out to be a pleasant surprise. While far-fetched, it was a surprisingly entertaining movie. Critical comments? How come nobody called in the truck he stole in Philadelphia? Why did the Senator from Montana talk like he was the baron of a pre-Civil War Georgia cotton plantation?

Ah they were only minor annoyances. Most everyone enjoyed the movie - including me. Stopping by the East MWR later we discovered it to be "Salsa Night". That meant an early exit for me. I prefer my Salsa with tortilla chips. As I went back to the hooch to call it a night the wind started picking up. Apparently a sandstorm is coming.