....someone other than me. Don't be disappointed though. When I arrived at the AF MWR I was informed that I would not be competing. I know I'd been told otherwise a couple of days ago. It was deemed not fair to allow me to compete when I had not participated in round 2. I'm an affable guy so I fully understood. I was asked to be a guest singer for the intermission. I agreed - what the hell? Now the MWR was absolutely packed (mainly AF). In attendance was an AF general officer, two AF wing commanders, and the senior AF Chief Master Sergeant in Iraq (who was a guest judge). Pay attention to the latter because he ended up playing a significant role in ruining the fun for everyone. As for the final? There were six contestants comprised of four AF, one Army, and one civilian. All the contestants who were service members were enlisted. Due to the amount of brass in the room (and mainly due to the senior chief) atmosphere was very cool. Each contestant sang one song followed by judges' comments. Two singers would be selected from the six for a final "sing off" Ok the stage is set, the players are in position....
Competition kicked off without a hitch at 2040. By 2100 the third singer was finishing up. Then the competition was interrupted by a mortar attack. We all laid on the floor until the "all clear" was sounded. Around 2120 competition resumed. Up to this point the singers had performed well. All the judges were funny and engaging except the senior chief. Instead, he had to always use his time on the mike to make duty-conscious comments that would dispirit the fun. He also let it be known that he had one last coin in his pocket - implying it would go to the winner. This was a ridiculous moment in itself and caused many eyes to roll in the WTF manner. In the military, coins are handed out by commanders and sergeants major to other servicemembers in appreciation for a job well done. However, they are meant for on the spot commendation of work-related performances (as opposed to Balad Idol). So everyone in the room found it ridiculous that this guy was saving his coin for the Balad Idol champion. The competition continued....
The last person to sing in round one was the Army Specialist. He was the only person to play an instrument (guitar). He did an outstanding job. He was one of the soldiers from Arkansas I had met on a previous visit to MWR. He had a big contingent there to cheer him on. When he was finished the judges all said their piece. Mr senior chief used his time on the mike to impune the courage of Army soldiers by pointing out that there was only one soldier in the competition. He put the specialist on the spot by asking him why? Now I knew that it was all inter-service jest but the specialist didn't have a response. What does a specialist say to the senior AF NCO in Iraq? Now it was my turn to sing. When I got up on stage I offered a response on behalf of the specialist and the rest of the Army soldiers present. I said, "the reason there aren't more Army participants in this competition is because we actually leave Balad to do our mission!" That drew loud applause from the Army and a lot of laughter from the AF (most of whom readily agreed with that comment). Well senior chief got up and walked away. I brought the house down with my song and the whole place was chanting for an encore. Just when the MC was about to have the DJ cue up another tune the chief came up to the stage and gave him the "cut" sign and said "ten minute break!" So I walked off the stage high-fiving soldiers and airmen alike only to find senior chief waiting on me. He wanted a word with me. So we stepped outside. I had no idea what was up. I was about to find out that, apparently, it was only ok for him to make inter-service jibes - that he could dish it out but not take it. Before he said his piece he grabbed an unsuspecting AF Colonel to stand with us (I guess to chaperone). Then he proceeded to tell me how offended he had been by my comment and let loose a long diatribe of cliche bullshit. I just let him say his piece. Then I said, "Chief what I said was simple jest in response to your comments to the specialist. It was inter-service ribbing of the kind that always takes place in a venue such as this. If you took it different then I apologize." Instead of letting it sit, he proceeded to go at it again then said, "I'm finished here, sir, unless you have something to add." I said no I didn't, realizing the futility. In the meantime the Colonel just stood there rolling his eyes in bewilderment. Once chiefy walked away the Colonel said, "What was this all about?" When I explained he rolled his eyes and said, "oh for fuck's sake! just forget about what the chief said. C'mon let's get back inside and have fun."
The anti-climax was next. The final two singers had their "show down". The Army specialist wasn't one of them. Once they were finished the winner was decided by the crowd. The winner was the same AF enlisted female who had requested that I sing Iron Maiden a few weeks ago. What did she get? The chief's coin and a t-shirt. I shit you not. The grand prize for weeks of Balad Idol was a coin and a t-shirt. The entire crowd let out an exasperated sigh of disbelief. As soon as it was over the place emptied. I stuck around. As I stood watching the place empty I was greeted by person after person (AF, Army, and civilian). They were all slapping my hand, thanking me for coming, wishing I'd been in the competition, commenting about how funny (and true) my comment was. The entourage of well-wishers included AF Colonels, Army Colonels, Sergeants Major, and loads of the rank-and-file. The 875TH Engineers from Arkansas ARNG gathered round and presented me a unit patch and invited me to come to their HQ anytime. Most everyone was unaware of my private moment with the chief. Those who did know were incredulous that it happened. I heard a lot of "what the fuck?". From several AF people I not only got the "WTF?" but also the "that guy is a prick!" comments. Apparently the chief is not very well liked by his minions. One AF officer even commented to me, "well unfortunately that rank in the AF isn't about what you know but rather who you blow." Hmmmm....
Let me set the record straight - I love all the services. My last two deployments were joint-service, meaning I worked directly with the other services. One of my best buddies on my last deployment was Hoz the U2 pilot. Damn Hoz! I wish you and Mo were with me now because I would really enjoy having our movie-martini nights. You two would have been laughing your asses off last night. Any person who's spent any time in the military knows that when the different services get together there will be inter-service ribbing and joking. Nothing different happened last night. Only problem was this - the senior AF NCO in Iraq is too "thin-skinned" to take it. It's only fair when he's dishing it out. Quite frankly I can't take an act of "hard core" from someone who hands out his coins to Balad Idol champions. Last night was anticlimactic, short on fun, and downright tense for everyone there because of one person. I got a recommendation for the chief - lighten the fuck up. This war causes enough stress on all of us for you to come along and ruin a night of fun for everybody. You did a great job of doing just that last night.
Ultimate irony? after most everyone cleared out I stayed for about another hour hanging out with my AF buddies from the hospital. We chatted, laughed, and I watched them tear-up some ping-pong. They are going home to Minnesota soon. I wish them well. I'm glad to have met them. They are true heroes for the work they do every day here in Balad. Interestingly enough, they didn't have any kind words for the chief either. I'm not surprised.
No more Balad Idol for me. I suspect that after last night's shamfest there are a lot of folks here at Balad saying the same thing.
Competition kicked off without a hitch at 2040. By 2100 the third singer was finishing up. Then the competition was interrupted by a mortar attack. We all laid on the floor until the "all clear" was sounded. Around 2120 competition resumed. Up to this point the singers had performed well. All the judges were funny and engaging except the senior chief. Instead, he had to always use his time on the mike to make duty-conscious comments that would dispirit the fun. He also let it be known that he had one last coin in his pocket - implying it would go to the winner. This was a ridiculous moment in itself and caused many eyes to roll in the WTF manner. In the military, coins are handed out by commanders and sergeants major to other servicemembers in appreciation for a job well done. However, they are meant for on the spot commendation of work-related performances (as opposed to Balad Idol). So everyone in the room found it ridiculous that this guy was saving his coin for the Balad Idol champion. The competition continued....
The last person to sing in round one was the Army Specialist. He was the only person to play an instrument (guitar). He did an outstanding job. He was one of the soldiers from Arkansas I had met on a previous visit to MWR. He had a big contingent there to cheer him on. When he was finished the judges all said their piece. Mr senior chief used his time on the mike to impune the courage of Army soldiers by pointing out that there was only one soldier in the competition. He put the specialist on the spot by asking him why? Now I knew that it was all inter-service jest but the specialist didn't have a response. What does a specialist say to the senior AF NCO in Iraq? Now it was my turn to sing. When I got up on stage I offered a response on behalf of the specialist and the rest of the Army soldiers present. I said, "the reason there aren't more Army participants in this competition is because we actually leave Balad to do our mission!" That drew loud applause from the Army and a lot of laughter from the AF (most of whom readily agreed with that comment). Well senior chief got up and walked away. I brought the house down with my song and the whole place was chanting for an encore. Just when the MC was about to have the DJ cue up another tune the chief came up to the stage and gave him the "cut" sign and said "ten minute break!" So I walked off the stage high-fiving soldiers and airmen alike only to find senior chief waiting on me. He wanted a word with me. So we stepped outside. I had no idea what was up. I was about to find out that, apparently, it was only ok for him to make inter-service jibes - that he could dish it out but not take it. Before he said his piece he grabbed an unsuspecting AF Colonel to stand with us (I guess to chaperone). Then he proceeded to tell me how offended he had been by my comment and let loose a long diatribe of cliche bullshit. I just let him say his piece. Then I said, "Chief what I said was simple jest in response to your comments to the specialist. It was inter-service ribbing of the kind that always takes place in a venue such as this. If you took it different then I apologize." Instead of letting it sit, he proceeded to go at it again then said, "I'm finished here, sir, unless you have something to add." I said no I didn't, realizing the futility. In the meantime the Colonel just stood there rolling his eyes in bewilderment. Once chiefy walked away the Colonel said, "What was this all about?" When I explained he rolled his eyes and said, "oh for fuck's sake! just forget about what the chief said. C'mon let's get back inside and have fun."
The anti-climax was next. The final two singers had their "show down". The Army specialist wasn't one of them. Once they were finished the winner was decided by the crowd. The winner was the same AF enlisted female who had requested that I sing Iron Maiden a few weeks ago. What did she get? The chief's coin and a t-shirt. I shit you not. The grand prize for weeks of Balad Idol was a coin and a t-shirt. The entire crowd let out an exasperated sigh of disbelief. As soon as it was over the place emptied. I stuck around. As I stood watching the place empty I was greeted by person after person (AF, Army, and civilian). They were all slapping my hand, thanking me for coming, wishing I'd been in the competition, commenting about how funny (and true) my comment was. The entourage of well-wishers included AF Colonels, Army Colonels, Sergeants Major, and loads of the rank-and-file. The 875TH Engineers from Arkansas ARNG gathered round and presented me a unit patch and invited me to come to their HQ anytime. Most everyone was unaware of my private moment with the chief. Those who did know were incredulous that it happened. I heard a lot of "what the fuck?". From several AF people I not only got the "WTF?" but also the "that guy is a prick!" comments. Apparently the chief is not very well liked by his minions. One AF officer even commented to me, "well unfortunately that rank in the AF isn't about what you know but rather who you blow." Hmmmm....
Let me set the record straight - I love all the services. My last two deployments were joint-service, meaning I worked directly with the other services. One of my best buddies on my last deployment was Hoz the U2 pilot. Damn Hoz! I wish you and Mo were with me now because I would really enjoy having our movie-martini nights. You two would have been laughing your asses off last night. Any person who's spent any time in the military knows that when the different services get together there will be inter-service ribbing and joking. Nothing different happened last night. Only problem was this - the senior AF NCO in Iraq is too "thin-skinned" to take it. It's only fair when he's dishing it out. Quite frankly I can't take an act of "hard core" from someone who hands out his coins to Balad Idol champions. Last night was anticlimactic, short on fun, and downright tense for everyone there because of one person. I got a recommendation for the chief - lighten the fuck up. This war causes enough stress on all of us for you to come along and ruin a night of fun for everybody. You did a great job of doing just that last night.
Ultimate irony? after most everyone cleared out I stayed for about another hour hanging out with my AF buddies from the hospital. We chatted, laughed, and I watched them tear-up some ping-pong. They are going home to Minnesota soon. I wish them well. I'm glad to have met them. They are true heroes for the work they do every day here in Balad. Interestingly enough, they didn't have any kind words for the chief either. I'm not surprised.
No more Balad Idol for me. I suspect that after last night's shamfest there are a lot of folks here at Balad saying the same thing.
1 comment:
Sam-Bone,
It appears that you still have the chops anytime a mic is in your hand, eh? Inter-service "observations" have no room for emotion...never meant as personal by true military personnel. The crying-shame is my previous statement does not apply to narrow-minded careerist that have infiltrated all of our services. It is a true shame that I was not present to delivery a remedial "big picture" education with extreme prejudice (hope you remember my a$$-chewing of the SOC Seargent-Major a few days after my arrival in the IZ -- initial exposure to the BUA). You know that MO and I are there in spirit but we are both retired pipe-hitters currently engaged in service to our country as contractors with no deployment commitments...at this time. I just want you to know how proud I am of you! I can't thank yo enough for your sacrifice & service for our country and fellow Americans. You are prayed for daily and as long as you remember to be safe (if you can't be safe, BE SANITARY), keep your cranium low, and keep your armor on...I will be able to tilt a beer with you, my friend, when you return to CONUS.
Brothers in Arms...Chivato!
HOZ
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