Yeah I know, it was Friday the 13th. Two things - I'm not superstitious and could care less for cliches. It was really just another day in OIF. My team wrapped up our training at FOB Speicher. Now we're on tap to travel to another FOB and repeat the process. That means a whole new venue from which to report sights, sounds, observations, and commentary. Given that it was just another day at the office I've decided to take advantage of the lull to lay the foundation of how you judge the true pulse of OIF - read Joe's grafitti in the port-o-jons.
Joe is an incredible case study. I've been observing Joe in action for many years now yet he never ceases to amaze. There is nobody more creative, artistic, intellectual, politically savvy, or well-versed in all subject matter. I could spend hours listening in on Joe's conversations. Yet it's when I go to the port-o-jon that I find the true depth of Joe's understanding. Remember that Joe's the guy who represents where the rubber meets the road in OIF. We can all learn a lot from him. I know that I do.
Ok so that leads me to a recent trip to a lovely, KBR port-o-jon. Seems I'd had a bit too much coffee and, coupled with last night's taco salad, I had to make use of the premium facility. That's ok because it gave me a chance to see what Joe's thinking these days. In one sitting I was able to see writings from every type of Joe. Here's some examples of what I mean. I've written all of these quotes exactly as they are expressed by Joe.
There's the usual "my unit is the best" Joe who writes things like this: "Compared to us.... everybody looks like the reserve or national guard. We're the 82nd!!"
You also find the politically savvy Joe who writes, "We're Fighting 4 A 120-Degree Kitty Litter Box. MEOW!"
There's the wreckless, carefree, "I don't give a shit" Joe. He writes, "We ride, we brawl. Gettin' money till the day we fall! - Double Barrel Shotgun" (notice that he's assumed a Mark Twain like pen name)
Another Joe who's always sharing thoughts is the one who forces us to think by challenging the status-quo. His comment in this portable toilet was "We are fighting? That's what they say. Hell, this ain't fighting. It's garrison with a weapon and a boonie cap." (by garrison he's referring to being back in the states on his home base)
It never fails to find the Joe who's just fatalistic. He writes things like "I hate all of you. Fuck this place".
But for every fatalistic Joe there's a happy go lucky who's never had it so well. He wrote this profound comment - "AH LUVS IRAT" (I guess he was one of the guys John Kerry was referring to)
Then you can always find the pseudo-racist humor Joe who adds a joke. "How do we know Adam was white? Did you ever try to take a rib from a black man?"
His joke drew a response from another Joe blasting in the opposite direction. "Stupid-ass cracker! Is this your first time away from the pig farm? Bet you miss corn holing!"
However, what never fails to astound me is that Joe has an amazing ability to carry on a complete conversation in the port-o-jon. It's an uncanny skill with the pen. As I took care of my class 1 download (military euphemism for taking a shit), I was highly entertained by the following Joe-graffitti conversation:
Marine: "Every unit in the Army is full of cry baby, pussy ass fags. Marines are doing all the work + protecting everone @ the same time. OORAH! Devil Dogs"
Soldier: "The marines didn't say a fuckin word after following 82nd into FALLUJAH Bitches"
Marine: "Remember 2003? Marines were 1st. 82nd was at home (soldier)"
Soldier: "Are you fuckin on crack marines bitch please.... You was better off saving the Air Force"
Ah those Joes..... If I had one-tenth the flair I could make millions writing novels. His graffitti reassures me that all is well. Joe's happy? I'm happy. You make taking a shit an entertaining proposition every day. When I'm having my moment of solitude I'm reassured by your wit, humor, and prose.
I wish all of you could see for yourself. I'll try to keep you abreast of the pulse of OIF by sharing the writings of Joe. Stay tuned. By the way, the wind is howling outside. Sandstorm? I sure as hell hope not.
Joe is an incredible case study. I've been observing Joe in action for many years now yet he never ceases to amaze. There is nobody more creative, artistic, intellectual, politically savvy, or well-versed in all subject matter. I could spend hours listening in on Joe's conversations. Yet it's when I go to the port-o-jon that I find the true depth of Joe's understanding. Remember that Joe's the guy who represents where the rubber meets the road in OIF. We can all learn a lot from him. I know that I do.
Ok so that leads me to a recent trip to a lovely, KBR port-o-jon. Seems I'd had a bit too much coffee and, coupled with last night's taco salad, I had to make use of the premium facility. That's ok because it gave me a chance to see what Joe's thinking these days. In one sitting I was able to see writings from every type of Joe. Here's some examples of what I mean. I've written all of these quotes exactly as they are expressed by Joe.
There's the usual "my unit is the best" Joe who writes things like this: "Compared to us.... everybody looks like the reserve or national guard. We're the 82nd!!"
You also find the politically savvy Joe who writes, "We're Fighting 4 A 120-Degree Kitty Litter Box. MEOW!"
There's the wreckless, carefree, "I don't give a shit" Joe. He writes, "We ride, we brawl. Gettin' money till the day we fall! - Double Barrel Shotgun" (notice that he's assumed a Mark Twain like pen name)
Another Joe who's always sharing thoughts is the one who forces us to think by challenging the status-quo. His comment in this portable toilet was "We are fighting? That's what they say. Hell, this ain't fighting. It's garrison with a weapon and a boonie cap." (by garrison he's referring to being back in the states on his home base)
It never fails to find the Joe who's just fatalistic. He writes things like "I hate all of you. Fuck this place".
But for every fatalistic Joe there's a happy go lucky who's never had it so well. He wrote this profound comment - "AH LUVS IRAT" (I guess he was one of the guys John Kerry was referring to)
Then you can always find the pseudo-racist humor Joe who adds a joke. "How do we know Adam was white? Did you ever try to take a rib from a black man?"
His joke drew a response from another Joe blasting in the opposite direction. "Stupid-ass cracker! Is this your first time away from the pig farm? Bet you miss corn holing!"
However, what never fails to astound me is that Joe has an amazing ability to carry on a complete conversation in the port-o-jon. It's an uncanny skill with the pen. As I took care of my class 1 download (military euphemism for taking a shit), I was highly entertained by the following Joe-graffitti conversation:
Marine: "Every unit in the Army is full of cry baby, pussy ass fags. Marines are doing all the work + protecting everone @ the same time. OORAH! Devil Dogs"
Soldier: "The marines didn't say a fuckin word after following 82nd into FALLUJAH Bitches"
Marine: "Remember 2003? Marines were 1st. 82nd was at home (soldier)"
Soldier: "Are you fuckin on crack marines bitch please.... You was better off saving the Air Force"
Ah those Joes..... If I had one-tenth the flair I could make millions writing novels. His graffitti reassures me that all is well. Joe's happy? I'm happy. You make taking a shit an entertaining proposition every day. When I'm having my moment of solitude I'm reassured by your wit, humor, and prose.
I wish all of you could see for yourself. I'll try to keep you abreast of the pulse of OIF by sharing the writings of Joe. Stay tuned. By the way, the wind is howling outside. Sandstorm? I sure as hell hope not.
1 comment:
Actually, I think a collection of your blog comments would make a great book!
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